“Anyway, for more updates on [Natalie Wood], watch your favorite news source (I imagine FOX News is claiming that Obama did it) or wait until next week when LAW & ORDER has their version of the case.”
Category: Best Line of the Day
Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
Best line of the day
And, thankfully, Nancy Pelosi replied to Rick Perry’s strangely odd request for a debate with her by saying –
“Monday I’m going to be in Portland in the morning. I’m going to be visiting some of our labs in California in the afternoon. That’s two,” Pelosi told reporters. “I can’t remember what the third thing is I’m going to be doing.”
Via Juanita
Best Juanita Line of the Day
“A couple of interesting things for the local folks here. I live in Richmond. In the past three months, I have lived in all three of Fort Bend’s districts without ever moving. First I was in 26 (Reynolds) where I was perfectly happy, then the Republicans moved me to 27 (C. Howard) where I woke up every morning and threw up. And now I am in 28 (Zerwas), who is one of the lesser offensive Republicans if we can get his goofy wife to shuddup about Planned Parenthood.”
Juanita Jean in a post about Texas redistricting.
Best line of the day
“So, Freddie Mac paid Gingrich a cool mil and half for his ‘advice as a historian?’ For Pete’s sake, I know some history majors who will give you their advice for free at the drive-through window.”
Best Pierce line of the day
“Of course, nobody in the field except Jon Huntsman, the Incredible Vanishing Mormon, has any serious experience at dealing with foreigners. Michele Bachmann has negotiated with nobody except the voices in her head for 10 years, and Rick Perry believes there are only two countries in the world — America-Fk-Yeah! and Meskinland. Newt Gingrich’s most memorable overseas experience was bitching about his seat on Air Force One, and all Ron Paul knows about people in other lands is that we shouldn’t give them any money. (He feels much the same about other Americans, too, so that’s a wash, I suppose.) Mitt Romney’s experience in foreign affairs is limited to bobsledders, and Herman Cain’s experience in foreign affairs is — please, god in Heaven, let this be so — merely limited.”
Best Juanita line of the day
“I love Lloyd Criss, and I would love him even if I wasn’t half scared to death of him.
“First off, he’s big enough to fill a huddle all on his own. Hell, a picture of him weighs 5 pounds. He’s the only thing in Texas that big without John Deere stamped on it. He’s double big.”
They Are Walking Into a Lion’s Cage With a Pocket Full of Pork Chops Down In Galveston County
Best line of the day
“A bus slammed into a daycare building. No one was hurt, but the wheels on the bus did stop going round and round.”
Your Baby’s First Year
“Sometimes the baby squalled at night but [Sacajawea] pinched its nostrils shut; a child must learn that to make a sound might mean death, telling the Blackfeet where you were.”
— Bernard DeVoto, The Course of Empire
[First posted here eight years ago.]
Best line by someone born on this day
“Scarlett O’Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm…”
Opening line of Gone with the Wind, written by Margaret Mitchell, who was born 111 years ago today (1900).
Miss O’Hara is 16 when the book begins; her waist was 17. (Vivien Leigh was 25 when the movie was filmed during 1939.) I was told, by someone who had once had dinner with Margaret Mitchell, that as first drafted Scarlett’s name was Pansy.
Best line of the day
“Specifically, [Romney] signed on to Paul Ryan’s toss-Grampa-to-the-jackals voucher approach to Medicare. Ryan was thrilled to death. Not his death, of course, but the death of a lot of old people who’ll be thrown onto the market of the single most disgusting industry in America that doesn’t involve deepwater drilling.”
Best line of the day
“I wanna go to Africa. All I need is a blow torch and a jar of mayonnaise.”
The Bandit, Amylynn’s 6-year-old. Read about it — though without solving the mystery — at The Quill Sisters.
Best redux line of the day
“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.”
Author Cynthia Nelms, first quoted here eight years ago today.
Best line of the day
“According to a new study, most people don’t spend the extra daylight savings hour in bed. Instead they spend it trying to remember if the clock on the computer changes on its own and asking no one in particular why the dang clock in the car is so hard to figure out.”
Line of the day
“[O]ver the last 3 years, China added more internet users than exist in the United States today.”
Best line of the day
Instead, we have this quote from a Democrat “familiar with the talks,” who has requested anonymity because he doesn’t want his parents to know what a dumbass he’s become:
“This was a good-faith effort to put something on the table to see what kind of response we would get.”
What kind of response did you expect at this point? The Republicans wouldn’t agree to the purchase of a hose if the freaking room was on fire.
Best line of the day
“Anyway, Darren’s off to study institutional dining for the next five years or so.”
Darren Huff Georgia Birther Convicted
Click, you’ll want to see Darren’s photo.
Best line of the day
“If you or I miss a $7 payment on a Gap card or, heaven forbid, a mortgage payment, you can forget about the great computer in the sky ever overlooking your mistake. But serial financial fuckups like Citigroup and Bank of America overextended themselves by the hundreds of billions and pumped trillions of dollars of deadly leverage into the system — and got rewarded with things like the Temporary Liquidity Guarantee Program, an FDIC plan that allowed irresponsible banks to borrow against the government’s credit rating.”
Best redux line of the day
“A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body.”
Best line of the week
“Nothing can be said about banks that hasn’t already been said more eloquently about hemorrhoids.”
“Friends, it’s been raining for 39 days and we ain’t built an ark.”
Go read it, laugh and be angry.
Best line of the day
“That makes the [iPod] older than Facebook, YouTube, Crocs, Vibram FiveFingers, and the Motorola RAZR, to name a few brands and devices that have penetrated general culture over the last decade.”
Best line of the day
“The average 12-year-old can hold in her hand more songs than my great-grandfather would have heard in his entire lifetime.”
Daniel J. Levitin, author of This Is Your Brain on Music.
Following link for a bunch of interesting factoids about music, iPods, etc.
Best line of the day
“But this seems like a good time to repeat, once again, the truth about federal spending: Your federal government is basically an insurance company with an army. The vast bulk of its spending goes to the big five: Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, defense, and interest on the debt.”
“And if you want smaller government, either you’re talking about cuts in the big five, or you have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Best descriptive paragraph ever
“I am friends with Houston City Council Member Jolanda Jones. Jo is former track star, a lawyer, and a bomb thrower. She leaves a trail of pissed off people where ever she goes, and by gawd, I love her for that. When Jo gets up in the morning, the devil cringes and says, “Oh crap, she’s up.” Jo is smart. Jo is afraid of nobody and no thing. She meaner than ten acres of snakes and nobody, I mean nobody, represents the needs of her constituents better than Jo does – all while wearing 5 inch heels and the biggest damn earrings on planet earth. I swear, it takes some serious welding to make her earrings.”
And maybe the single best line ever:
“I was not thrilled with Bill White as a candidate for Texas Governor because the guy is as boring as school play your kid isn’t in.”
Redux best lines of the day
First posted here six years ago today.
If the Goverment is a car setting out to give every one a ride to work, then for 40 years the Republicans have been puncturing the tires, pouring sand in the gas tank, stealing the distributer cap, and, whenever they can get their hands on the wheel, driving it straight into the nearest ditch and then, pointing to the wreckage as the tow truck backs up to it, saying, See, this proves that people were meant to walk.
And they do this so that they don’t have to chip in on gas.
Two Best Lines from Pierce
“Mitch Daniels is George W. Bush’s former budget director. Making him president would be like giving Joe Hazlewood another oil tanker.”
This Is Where All the GOP ‘Heavyweights’ Went
“At this point, [the Catholic Church] is little more than an elaborate international conspiracy to obstruct justice that also happens to have a really good art collection.”
Occupy Vatican City – Catholic Church Priest Abuses 2011
Both of the above posts are worthy of your time.