Category: Best Line of the Day

Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.

Best New York lines of the day, so far

Teen: Iced cappuccino, please.

Middle-aged tourist: Aren’t you a little young for that much caffeine, sweetie?

Teen: Uhhh, I’m from New York — there was caffeine in my breast milk.

Middle-aged tourist: Oh! You’re from here! Well… Could you give me directions to–

Teen: –Don’t you people have maps for that kind of thing?

–Bread Factory, 785 Lexington

Girl, about smoking preggers passerby: That’s disgusting. How could any woman nowadays still smoke knowing that they’re pregnant?

Mother, taking drag from her own cigarette: Good thing you were adopted.

Overheard in New York

Words of Wisdom

Woody Allen is 72 today. NewMexiKen saw Allen doing stand-up once upon a time when we were both a lot younger (about 40 years ago, sigh).

Here’s a few of his insights, some possibly from that very time.

“A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ‘no’.”

“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.”

“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”

“Some guy hit my fender, and I told him ‘be fruitful, and multiply.’ But not in those words.”

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”

“If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.”

“More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”

Best line worth bringing up again

But, listen, let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works: the president makes decisions. He’s the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put ’em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know – fiction!

Stephen Colbert at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Dinner quoted by Glenn Greenwald.

Best line of the day, so far

Discussing an audience question to John McCain which asked “How do we beat the bitch?”

[MIKE] ALLEN: All right. But what Republican voter hasn’t thought that? What voter in general hasn’t thought that? And what people like about McCain is his straight talk, his candor, and if he had folded or buckled under that question, that would have looked ridiculous…But Kiran, this was just a funny moment on the campaign trail.

[KIRAN] CHETRY: Well, it’s only funny unless you’re offended by somebody calling a woman the b-word.

Quoted at Daily Howler.

Two best lines about last night’s debate

“… Kucinich, who is the presidential candidate most likely to be secretly a member of the X-Men. (We should abide by international law, he said at one point, but you know he was thinking to himself, ‘And also intergalactic law.’)”

“… Richardson, ever the diplomat, said, ‘Let us stop this mudslinging. Let us stop going after one another on character and trust. Let us debate the issues that affect the American people, and let us be positive.’ NOOOOOO, screamed the CNN producers. Get that guy off stage!!”

Joel Achenbach in a post entitled “Steel Cage Death Match in the Desert.”

Best line of the day, so far

All the PCs that had melted or seized up or got infected are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed by their owners when the goddam things didn’t work like they were supposed to—or didn’t auto-save a critical file before they went kablooey—are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of the day we pulled them out of their styrofoam-packed boxes and said, “We really shoulda gotten a Mac this time.”

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday writing about PC heaven.