Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
“Opening Day is all about renewal: same old white lines, same old thin sunshine, same old wondering how those F/A-18 fighter planes time their screech-by to coincide with the end of the anthem.”
Go read Angell’s whole Opening Day blog post. It’s only two paragraphs. If you love baseball, you love Angell.
I am not part of the suicidally depressed left that is sure Sarah Palin is going to be the next presidential nominee.
I think she’s too smart to even try — she is very smart, in an uncurious, intellectually lazy way. Sort of what George Bush would be like if he’d been sent to Wasilla High instead of prep school. In fact, let’s give Sarah some credit here. If George W. had her background, he’d be serving fast food and cursing the day he got fired from the overnight shift at the canning factory.
“If you have a child, you want him or her to be prepared for the future. So why not begin their dreary cubicle farm confinement before they even learn how to read?”
“If you have a few hundred followers, and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If have a billion, they call you ‘Pope.'”
Bill Maher via Crooks and Liars.
First posted two years ago today.
First posted here in 2006.
Attention Deficit
Q: How many people with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: HEY! Let’s ride bikes!!!
“Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me…as opposed to when you grow up and you learn that…the pen is mightier than the sword. The world is fill of little contradictions like that.”
Bob Dylan
“It’s almost like we need diapers at both ends.”
David Feherty commenting on the Masters presence of 80-year-old Arnold Palmer (born in 1929) and 16-year-old Matteo Manassero (born in 1993).
Feherty also commenting on Ian Poulter’s wardrobe:
“Somewhere in a Motel 6 the drapes are missing.”
“Palin dissing Obama is like Homer Simpson critiquing Nelson Mandela.”
“NewMexiKen went to Costco today and bought a lot of stuff I didn’t know I needed until I got there.”
FIrst posted four years ago today.
“It’s pure and simple and tastes like earth, if earth was delicious and made your sinuses drain in a sweet epiphany of heat.”
Jana at Duke City Fix two years ago.
Most importantly, it’s chile with an “e” — the plant. That’s what makes New Mexican cuisine different. Chili with an “i” is a stew they make in Texas and Cincinnati (good as it is).
“if you admit to being homosexual you can be discharged from the military, but if you admit it for the purposes of being discharged you won’t be.”
The Best Defense quoting a Stars & Stripes article based on a Los Angeles Times report.
Thanks to Avelino for the link.
“Even Duke center Brian Zoubek thought it had a good chance. ‘My throat closed up, my heart dropped and it went in slow motion,’ he said.
“Duke forward Lance Thomas said, ‘The ball was in the air for three hours.’ ”
If you don’t know what the above is about, Butler’s Gordon Hayward launched a 55-foot shot as time ran out. It bounced off the backboard and rim, but did not go in. Had it done so, Butler would have won 62-61. As it was Duke won 61-59.
“Gregg Doyel of CBS Sports sums it up nicely: In its last five possessions, Duke mustered just one point, one air ball, and two turnovers.
” ‘That’s not winning a national championship,’ Doyel writes. ‘That’s finding a national championship.’ ”
“However, this is the second major championship in a row in American sports where there was a clear-cut underdog fan favorite (New Orleans Saints/Butler Bulldogs) and a squeaky-clean, stiff do-gooder looking to return to prominence (Indianapolis Colts/Duke Blue Devils). Maybe we just got spoiled with the Saints’ upset in the Super Bowl and started to think Butler could pull it out.”
“On the day that an American consulate in Pakistan is attacked and that Wikileaks posted video of soldiers laughing while they kill civilians in Iraq, the major U.S. news networks have more important things to cover. Tiger Woods has returned to golf.”
The exorcist also said that the abuse scandal showed that Satan uses priests to try to destroy the church, “and so we should not be surprised if priests too … fall into temptation. They also live in the world and can fall like men of the world.”
Actually, falling into temptation is eating cupcakes after you’ve given them up for Lent. Rape and molestation of children is far beyond what most of us think of as succumbing to worldly temptation.
“If I were to run into a kind-hearted mugger tomorrow who forced me to give up only one of my gadgets, I’d throw him the iPad without hesitation. I need my phone and my computer to get things done, but I don’t really need a tablet computer. The iPad is a luxury—like Steve Jobs’ Mercedes roadster, it’s the sort of thing you buy if you’ve got extra money and you want a fun, stylish gewgaw.”
Farhad Manjoo – Slate Magazine
But …
“[T]he iPad is the best media-consumption device ever made. Or, to put it another way, there is no better machine to use on the couch, the bed, or in the bathroom.”
“The most watched minute of video made in the last five years shows baby Charlie biting his brother’s finger. (Twice!) That minute has been watched by more people than the viewership of American Idol, Dancing With The Stars, and the Superbowl combined. (174 million views and counting.)”
“Hold your iPad. Gaze at it. Pray to it. Let it transform you. And do it soon, because before you know it we are going to release version 2, which will make this one look like a total piece of crap.”
“$10 to first person who buys two iPads today, dresses up as Moses and comes out of an Apple Store holding them over their head.”
Found at the Bits Blog – NYTimes.com
“Yet until last night, insurance companies in eight states and the District of Columbia could still discriminate against victims by declaring domestic violence a preexisting condition. Domestic violence victims in those states faced the real risk of being denied health care at the very time when they needed it the most.”
White House adviser Lynn Rosenthal as reported by Amy Davidson at The New Yorker
Normally broadcasters reserve their drooling over white-athlete stereotypes for descriptions of individual players like Wes Welker, Steve Nash, and… well, of Wes Welker. You do get some during NFL draft season, when you hear all the various Mel Kipers talking about fourth- and fifth-round talents who are worth a shot because they are “consistent,” “able to take coaching,” have “high football intelligence,” are “good in the locker room,” and “try hard and play through the whistle.” (My favorite of these cliches is actually, “Mature; is a coach’s son.”). The commensurate glowing descriptions of black athletes, of course, are more like, “Flattens the fuck out of guys” or “Will dunk on your face and laugh about it.”
Prego Baby Fail | Yahoo! Answer Fail
Just click. Read question and answer.
“This is a big fucking deal.”
Vice President Joe Biden almost whispering to President Barack Obama at the signing ceremony today
“[I]t contributes to my belief that whoever works on [The Albuquerque Journal web] site has never seen another website anywhere. I’m reluctant to beat up a 14-year-old who gets minimum wage, but the Journal could and should do much better than this, especially after so many years of the same awful stuff. Send that kid to classes. Buy him a Dummies book.”
“I believe in an America, in which we don’t just look out for ourselves. That we don’t just tell people you’re on your own. That we are proud of our individualism. We are proud of our liberty. But we also have a sense of neighborliness, and a sense of community. And we are willing to look out for one another and help people who are vulnerable. And help people who are down on their luck.”
President Barack Obama Saturday