“If Harry Houdini were alive today I would ask him how to escape from Facebook.”
Category: Best Line of the Day
Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
Best line of the day
“I was undecided about the #Libya action until Pat Buchanan came out against it, and now I’m for it.”
Best line of the day
“One of the other glaring features of the weekend was the fact that we were all treated to an ongoing Festival Of Stupid unseen since the last time the Palins played Scrabble.”
Best line of the day
“[A]nd resulting in a country so misinformed that it believes that athletes who use the wrong kind of drugs are a bigger threat to sports than the fact that 40-year old football players are walking around with the brains of Gummy Bears.”
Best March Madness line of the day
“You will never see a better example of two teams being gassed than you saw at the end of the Temple-San Diego State game. It looked like the Temple guards were unsure if they had the strength to get a dribble to hit the floor at the end.”
Best line of the day
“Life is like a maze – you turn left, you turn right and just when you think you’ve found the right way, there’s Jack Nicholson with an axe.”
Best lines summing up my week
“I’ve always said that people should enjoy baseball the way they want to enjoy baseball. It is a sport, and it is meant to be loved, and if you love it by doing spreadsheets, if you love it by sitting down the third base line with a beer and without even knowing the players names, if you love it for its history, for its pace, for its drama, for its familiarity, for its connection to spring, for its apparent simplicity, for its apparent complexities, for the way the game reveals character, for the way the game reveals talent, for the way the game rewards consistency, for batting average and wins and RBIs, for UZR and Runs Created and FIP, for whatever … that’s great. Love the game your own way.”
Best line of the day
“There is no scalping on an Indian reservation.”
Ticket salesman at Salt River Fields, which is on Indian land. He was referring to second-party ticket sales.
I think.
Best line of the day
“Glenn Beck thinks earthquake might be a message from God. Glenn, ‘everything’ is a message from God, or it isn’t. Make up your mind.”
Best line of the day
“In Europe today is 14/3, which is the sum of 3 consecutive primes (43+47+53), and also of 5 consecutive primes (11+13+17+19+23+29+31).”
Best line of the day
“Gimme my fucking hour back.”
Best line of the day
“NFL Fans: If you want to watch highly staged aggression designed to enrich players and their owners, consider politics.”
Best line of the day
“Today’s the day to change your life! Seize the moment! Be amazing! Actually, probably best to wait till Monday as it’s nearly the weekend.”
Twitter / @Gwyn Grey via SinPantalones
Best line of the evening
“Forget the stereotypes emanating from small-minded places like the Phoenix statehouse or any right-wing talk-radio station … ”
Timothy Egan on the growth of ethnoburbs.
Best line of the day you’ll have to click to see the punchline
“The Times reports that Chris Christie, straight talker, makes stuff up. And this will be fatal to his presidential aspirations, right? Nobody who just makes up tall tales that serve his agenda can become president, no matter how smooth a talker he is.”
Best legal information you may need to know line of the day
“In 12 states—California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Washington—all parties involved need to consent before one of them can record the conversation.”
Christopher Beam – Slate Magazine
Up to 3-years in prison in Illinois for a first offense of recording a conversation with a police officer. It’s a crime in Boston, too.
Best line of the day
“It’s Osama bin Laden’s birthday. Come out of your cave and wave your arms. We want to drop you a present!”
The c**ks**ker is 54.
That’s what I’d like to know line of the day
… Newt Gingrich explains why he dumped wife #1 while she was in the hospital after cancer surgery, and wife #2 soon after she was diagnosed with MS. It was because of his love of country:
There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.
How did people like this end up running America?
Related best line:
“Gingrich planning May presidential announcement, but if nation takes turn for worse he’ll probably lose interest in us.”
Most memorable line of the day
“When forming images, it helps to have a dirty mind. Evolution has programmed our brains to find two things particularly interesting, and therefore memorable: jokes and sex — and especially, it seems, jokes about sex.”
Joshua Foer, author of “Moonwalking With Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything,” as quoted by Maureen Dowd.
Perhaps evangelicals are repressed about sex because they don’t believe in evolution. Or vice versa.
Best line of the day
“[Ohio State football coach] Jim Tressel gets two game suspension, one for each face of college athletics.”
Best line of the day that works for me, too
“I know we’re supposed to pretend that both sides always have a point; but the truth is that most of the time they [conservative sites] don’t. The parties are not equally irresponsible; Rachel Maddow isn’t Glenn Beck; and a conservative blog, almost by definition, is a blog written by someone who chooses not to notice that asymmetry. And life is short … ”
Best line of the day that will not be heeded by any policy makers
It really is worth repeating: no matter how much the right-wingers may like to claim that the US government is “broke”, it’s not, in any normal sense of the term. Investors, putting real money on the line, are willing to lend funds to the Feds long-term at an inflation-adjusted interest rate of only 1 percent. There is nothing in the markets or the cash flow requiring immediate austerity.
Yes, there is a long-run problem — but this requires long-run solutions. Slashing spending now now now is neither necessary nor helpful.
Best line of the evening
“I intend to protest Sheen’s firing by not watching 2 and 1/2 Men. I began this protest 8 yrs ago.”
Best headline of the day
Best line of the day
“On Monday, Attorney General John Ashcroft issued a terrorism warning, asking all Americans to be on high alert this week…. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, ‘Bitch, I can’t be any more alert than I already am. O.K.? I’m opening my mail with salad tongs. I take my passport in the shower with me. I am watching so much CNN I am having sex dreams about Wolf Blitzer.”
Tina Fey on SNL in late 2001, from a brief profile in The New Yorker.
In another article, The New Yorker has lined up some vintage Tina Fey videos.