Category: Humor

Before vigorously shaking a container of Tropicana Pure Premium Grovestand orange juice (to mix the juice and pulp) be certain the cap is properly tightened.

MenWhoLookLikeKennyRogers.com

From OpinionJournal:

The plot thickens. TraderList.com, “the most complete source of good & bad collectible traders,” has a page titled “Complaints Against Drunken Sailor or Steven Kaye,” in which “glorybeeto,” who paid $860 for thedrunkensailor’s collection of Beanie Babies from his ex-wife, complains that the rare items in the set turned out to be counterfeits. (We noted the sale yesterday.)

Glorybeeto, whose real name apparently is J. O’Buck, says she was the eBay user called Taisha who wrote thedrunkensailor to warn him of the possibility of counterfeits (quotes are verbatim):

He printed the message, without the “disclaimer” and “counterfeit” eBay rules I had included, and INCLUDED MY ID. He posted also that he had blocked me from bidding. I had also alerted eBay that the auction should be pulled because it was fraught with disclaimers. eBay paid no attention to its own rule and did nothing. I also alerted eBay that he had posted my ID, which is against eBay rules, and again, nothing was done.

From the tenor of the listing, I believed the seller to be an angry person, upset by his wife leaving him, but did question that if she was such an avid collector why she would leave behind the rare and valuable beanies. I checked his feedback with over 500 positives and no negatives, his “ME” posting, and later his name and address which checked out. Based on this I bid using my glorybeeto ID. I learned later that two friends asked him questions about the beanies and he did not respond. I did not question him with my bidding ID because I felt, in light of his obvious anger, he would block that ID as well. Had the beanies been genuine, the price I bid was very good. I felt I was behind the proverbial rock and a hard place because he could be telling the truth and I would miss out if I did not bid.

Pat Edgerton, a “mediator” for Tradelist, wrote Kaye on glorybeeto’s behalf, prompting the following response:

I have no idea who you are, or what your “tradelist” is. I find your comments threatening and offensive. I don’t care what J.O.Buck is demanding. I am demanding that you no longer email me. As I told him/her, feel free to call the police, FBI, Postal Inspector, and the Freaking Wildlife Organization that governs Blue Stuffed Elephants.

You must be insane if you think I am going to take you seriously. If this complaint were even slightly valid, he/she should have brought it up through ebay, or paypal. But knowing full well that it has no validity he.she did not.

Last I checked, the “TradeList” was not in any position to threaten me with formal fraud charges. I will forward this email to my attorney as I find it offensive, harassing, and threatening.

If you want to play hard ball, then go get your bat and lets play.

I demand that you NO LONGER EMAIL ME for any reason, unless to apologize.

Our item yesterday prompted this e-mail from reader Bernard Levine:

Drunken Sailor’s opening gambit, claiming to know nothing about these items he got in some entertaining and mildly plausible way, is alas a common eBay seller’s ploy for presenting either fakes, or mixed lots of fakes and common items. I wouldn’t know a beanie baby if it leapt up and bit me on the ankle, but this is certainly true in the collecting arenas I do play in.

All this may be true, but if the TraderList account is accurate, the buyer here can hardly claim to have been defrauded, given that she bought the items knowing full well that the seller didn’t vouch for their authenticity. Caveat emptor, we say.

Last Saturday NewMexiKen posted an item about Beanie Babies for sale on eBay. More details thanks to OpinionJournal from The Wall Street Journal.

Last month a man calling himself “thedrunkensailor,” from West Palm Beach, Fla., put a “collection of 26 Beanie Babies from ex-wife” up for auction on eBay. Beanie Babies apparently are small stuffed animals that people collect, some of which are rare and valuable.

“I DO NOT KNOW crap about these things,” thedrunkensailor explained (all quotes are verbatim). “Whatever money I make from them will be spent at the local Home Depot on tools and other cool stuff. . . . I understand from a friends wife that people are afraid to get fakes. FAKES? Fake plush toys? I was amazed. I thought people forged money, not childrens toys.” He added the following “Final Notice and Disclaimer”:

I know nothing about these stuffed Beanie Babies. I offer no proof of anything. It is a stuffed animal, get over it! I don’t think my ex-wife was in the Black Market Beanie Trade..but then again, I didn’t know she was having an affair either! Thus no gauruntees!

Thedrunken sailor later added two more comments. The first explained how “a very kind Ebayer” wrote him to say which of his Beanie Babies were valuable. But he added:

I make no claims on value, and to be honest. I am amazed anyine pays more then a dollar a piece for these things. What happened to collecting STAMPS? Pay what you want for them! IT ALL GOES TO HOMEDEPOT !!!!!! and BEER!

But then he heard from someone else:

Okay all you people with nothing better to do! ENOUGH WITH THE EMAILS! I thought I was clear with all that. Here is an Email that I just got from some lady who felt she will try to save my sould or something! Read Below:

Very clever listing; however it is very likely you have some fakes (counterfeits) among the listing and I suggest you pull them from the auctions until you have them authenticated. Humphrey the camel is an example. It is a requirement of eBay as well as unde the provisions of the U.S. Criminal Cpode that a seller know the authenticity of a trademarked item s/he is selling. Also, an authenticated rare beanie will bring lots of money on the auctions. I’ll let you know the others that are likely fakes, and further it is very unlikely your ex would have left behind these rare ones. If she had 1000 beanies, she knew what she had and their value. To sell counterfeits of a trademarked item wold make you a common criminal. Are you being honest? If so, cancel the auction, relist the common beanies, and send the rest for authentication. It would be well worth it financially and would make you honest.
Taisha

WELL TAISHA! I don’t CARE! I told everyone in the begining everything I know and don’t know about these STUPID animals! I ahve an idea for all people that are so worried about this…..DON’t BID! I dont care! I am so upset that this clown of a woman figured out my SUPER PLAN TO SCAM MILLIONS FROM THE UNKNOWING BEANIE WORLD! I FIGURED I WOULD RETIRE FROM THIS RUSE! What a dolt she is! I have blocked her from my bidder list, that way she can cry about it. Some people are UNREAL! GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The bidding ended Sept. 22, with one “glorybeeto” paying $860 for the lot. We certainly hope thedrunkensailor is enjoying his tools and his beer.

From 1868 to 1975, The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency (FVZA) was responsible for controlling the nation’s vampire and zombie populations while overseeing scientific research into the undead. This site is a tribute to the men and women who served in the FVZA, especially the over 4000 Agents who lost their lives fighting to keep our country safe. In addition to paying tribute to the FVZA, this site hopes to call attention to dangerous research being done at the Santa Rosa Institute in New Mexico: research that runs the risk of bringing back a scourge of vampires worse than any before.

From Forbes.com

Hmm, the people at NewMexiKen’s bank (in an alcove at Albertson’s) don’t seem all that sharp. If I print one of these and wear it…

Dave Barry posted an item earlier today:

WE SEE NO REASON WHY THIS WOULD NOT WORK
An idea whose time has come: Tornado Fighters.

Better yet are his readers suggestions —

A more practical approach would be to set up decoy trailer parks in uninhabited areas to lure the tornadoes away from populated areas.
— Ernie Gudath”

An even MORE practical approach would be to set up decoy trailer parks on Capitol Hill.
— Mike DeCleene

School was cancelled in the Washington, DC, area on account of today’s geomagnetic storm.

The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide

Be sure to see the posters.

eBay item 3146042998

Key quote from description: “I understand from a friends wife that people are afraid to get fakes. FAKES? Fake plush toys? I was amazed. I thought people forged money, not childrens toys.”

Philadelphia Inquirer: Spam is annoying to most, study finds