“I didn’t see any of the movies nominated for Best Picture. This is because I’m the parent of a 6-year-old, which means I see only those movies where the plot involves cute but lovable animals who talk in the voices of famous celebrities ….”
Category: Best Line of the Day
Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
Got that right
Grandma: Who is that? What’s the commotion about?
Teen girl: It’s Paris Hilton.
Grandma: Who is that?
Teen girl: She’s a media blowjob, Nana. Let’s get a move on, we’re late and Daddy’s waiting for us at the hotel.
Best line of the day, so far
“It’s been four years since Richard Reid attempted to set fire to his explosive shoes on that Paris-Miami flight, and thanks to him we still do our little dance in stocking feet through airport security, a testimony to the power of the individual to gum up the works for millions of others.”
Garrison Keillor, in a column where he advocates a Constitutional amendment requiring two years of active duty in the military to be eligible to serve as president.
Best line of the day (last night), so far
“On Wednesday President Bush will fly to India. See, last week he met with American workers. This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs.”
Jay Leno
Best line of the day, so far
“And Bob Kerrey, who’s said enough flaky stuff in his day to take a job with Kellogg’s ….”
Best line of the day, so far
“Of course, you have to love any sport in which your very survival depends on clowns.”
— The always wonderful Dan Neil in Cowboy Down, 800 words about professional bull riding, the next NASCAR.
Another line: “It’s the most red-state, culturally conservative, sponsor-friendly milieu in pro athletics—few are the riders who don’t take a knee in a moment of showy post-ride, thank-you-Jesus piety. That is, if they still have a knee.”
Best line of the day, so far
“[S]o painfully unfunny he was almost dental.”
James Wolcott talking about some of the sad cast of characters who replaced Don Knotts in Mayberry on “The Andy Griffith Show.”
Best line of the day, so far
“George Bush in the flight suit on that carrier was Bode Miller in the Nike ads before the Olympics, all image and promise. No substance and sacrifice, no guts and inner fire.”
Tom Watson in an entry entitled The President and Mr. Miller.
Best Rodney Dangerfield line of the day, so far
“My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler’s checks.”
How it feels to be Picasso
Shortly after WWII, an American went to visit Picasso in his Paris studio and asked, “How does it feel to be Picasso, the master of the art?” The artist replied, “Give me a dollar bill.” The American complied, and Picasso signed his name on it. “There, that dollar is now worth $500. That’s how it feels to be Picasso.”
Best line of the Olympics, so far
“Some people skate to Romeo and Juliet, but she is Juliet.”
NBC’s Sandra Bezic on Sasha Cohen.
Best line of the day, so far
“Dick Button wants to be both Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul.”
Adapted from comment by Emily, official younger daughter of NewMexiKen, on the long-time figure skating analyst Dick Button. He’s always either gushed or ranted.
Best line of the day, so far
“This deal with Dubai is actually just quid pro quo because they took Michael Jackson off our hands.’
The Daily Show
Best line of the day, so far
“This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.”
President Bush at cabinet meeting
Best line of the holiday Monday, so far
“Actually, one awkward moment [Monday] in Washington. During the 21 gun salute, Dick Cheney returned fire.”
Jay Leno
Best line of tomorrow, so far
“And when the White House assures us that the Homeland Security Department will oversee security at the ports, is that supposed to make us sleep better? Not after the chuckleheaded Chertoff-and-Brownie show on Capitol Hill.”
Maureen Dowd in Wednesday’s Times
Best line of the day, so far
“Which one is the ham?”
Subway sandwich “artist” to colleague as reported by Justin Blanton
Best line of the day, so far
“Shouldn’t the Museum of Tolerance, which focuses on the atrocities committed by the Nazis, be called the Museum of Intolerance?
“It’s like calling a Museum of Fine Art the Museum of Terrible Art. Makes no sense.”
Best line of the day, so far
“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.”
Clarence Darrow
Best line of the day, so far
Girl #1: I just don’t think I’m his type. He’s very intellectual.
Girl #2: What do you mean?
Girl #1: He’s all “yada yada yada” and I’m very “What’s your favorite Starburst?”
Thanks to Veronica for the link.
Best line of the day, so far
“My go-to worldview is pessimism. I see a Times Square billboard promoting a musical that has its audience ‘dancing in the aisles’ and I can’t help but think, ‘That is a fire hazard.'”
Best line of the day, so far
“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”
Lily Tomlin
Best photo of the day, so far
Best line of the day, so far
“We’ve learned the hard way that those ‘five mile’ walkie-talkies don’t even cover the backyard, that no version of Windows ‘just works,’ and that when you call for tech support, your call is not important to them.”
David Pogue in a review of a new HD camcorder.
Best line of the day, so far
“As the story of the weekend’s bizarre hunting accident is wrenched out of the White House, the picture isn’t pretty: With American soldiers dying in Iraq, Five-Deferment Dick ‘I Had Other Priorities in the 60’s Than Military Service’ Cheney gets his macho kicks gunning down little birds and the occasional old man while W. rides his bike, blissfully oblivious to any collateral damage. Shouldn’t these guys work on weekends until we figure out how to fix Iraq, New Orleans, Medicare and gas prices?”
Maureen Dowd [emphasis added]