“Ladies and gentlemen, I feel chipper tonight. I survived the White House shake-up,” the president said.
Damn.
Category: Best Line of the Day
Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
Best line ever, so far
“Fox believes in presenting both sides—the president’s side and the vice president’s side.”
Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondent Dinner
Best line of the day, so far
Carpe Mañana
Best line of the day, so far
“It’s appalling that a generation after the first oil shock, in 1973, politicians are still reacting with such hysteria.”
From an excellent editorial in today’s New York Times
Best gasoline price line of the day, so far
“Give you an idea how expensive gas is, this morning I carpooled in with Letterman.”
Jay Leno
Best line of the day, so far
“The president’s approval ratings are down there in the territory of whatever’s on TV opposite American Idol.”
Best political line of the day, so far
“Senator John Kerry said this week that he is thinking about running for president again but he hasn’t made up his mind as of yet. Well, that should put to rest all those rumors about him being indecisive.”
Jay Leno
Best line of the day about plagarism, so far
Harvard sophomore Kaavya Viswanathan, who was paid the largest advance for an unpublished author, admitted to having “unintentionally” borrowed passages from author Megan McCafferty for her book How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life. What do you think?
David Niles, Portrait Photographer:
“This just goes to show there are many things a Harvard education can’t teach you, like how to use a thesaurus to cover up your plagiarism.”
Best line of the day, so far
“It’s hard to figure why blowing up the Middle East hasn’t had the intended effect of lowering gas prices.
“Weird.”
Best line of the day, so far
“You could run a fleet of S.U.V.’s on the gas that W. was spewing about fuel.”
Best line of the day, so far
“We have two oilmen in the White House. The logical follow-up from that is $3 a gallon gasoline.”
Minority leader Nancy Pelosi
And I thought it was just a coincidence.
Best environmental line of the day, so far
“The folks at Rocky Mountain National Park call it ‘lethal reduction,’ a plan to shoot hundreds of elk in an effort to save a habitat they say have been devastated by elk herds growing out of control.
“The park is planning on dispatching rangers with guns equipped with silencers to kill the elk at night. Park officials say the shooting them at night would minimize run-ins with visitors (who usually come to see the elk alive).”
David Frey at New West Network
Best Bush line of 2000 that’s inoperative today, so far
“Strategic Reserve should not be used as an attempt to drive down oil prices right before an election. It should not be used for short-term political gain at the cost of long-term national security.”
Candidate George W. Bush, September 2000, criticizing Al Gore’s proposal.
Best political line of the day, so far
“But that was twenty five years ago, before the Republicans traded the Laffer Curve for the sign of the cross. Conservatism these days is a burnt out hulk — intellectually adrift, compromised by power, hopelessly hooked on pork, desperately trying to stay one step ahead of the voters (not to mention the Justice Department.)”
Best line of the day, so far
“Clark is the sort of guy that if you say, ‘Hiya, Clark, how are you?’ he’s stuck for an answer.”
Ava Gardner referring to Clark Gable, quoted by Peter Bogdanovich in his wonderful review of the new Gardner biography by Lee Server.
Best line of the day, so far
“Nothing exemplifies the magazine’s awkward desperation better than the cover blurb: ‘Better than sex! 317 brand-new products!’ Excuse me, gentlemen, but there are no products better than sex, much less 317 of them.”
Dan Neil discussing the defunct men’s shopping magazine Cargo.
Best line of the day, so far
“The XXII Amendment to the Constitution states, ‘No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice,’ which, as I read it, means Gore still has one election to go.”
Best line of the day, so far
“Inscription on a T-shirt offered up for sale on eBay: ‘I’m in shape … Round is a shape!'”
Best line of the day, so far
“In 1959, Johnny Horton’s version of ‘The Battle of New Orleans’ won the Grammy for best country & western performance. If anyone sings about George W. Bush and New Orleans, it will be a blues number.”
Best line of the day, so far
“If unborn children really had rights, the infant daughter of the actress Katie Holmes and the temporarily-humanoid immortal starseed that styles itself ‘Tom Cruise’ would have been delivered by a lawyer. Breaking the absolute silence of the delivery room, the lawyer, on the infant’s behalf, would have sued for spiritual guardianship and demanded that all profits earned from sale of the child’s story and image– including ‘virtual’ profits in the form of publicity for its parents — be deposited in a trust account to fund its lifelong psychotherapy needs.”
Walter at Andrew Sullivan
Best line of the day, so far
“Fox is reporting that Fox’s own Tony Snow may be Scott McClellan’s replacement as White House press secretary.
“Isn’t that more like an interdepartmental transfer than a job change?”
Best sports line of the day, so far
“The U.S. Postal Service announced it will issue 39-cent stamps commemorating baseball Hall of Famers Mickey Mantle, Roy Campanella, Hank Greenberg and Mel Ott on July 15 at Yankee Stadium.
“Rumor has it there’ll be a Barry Bonds stamp, too, just for bulk mail.”
Best line of the day, so far
“The secretary [Rumsfeld] made it sound as if the generals want him to resign because he made reforms. But they really want him to resign because he made gigantic, horrible, arrogant mistakes that will be taught in history classes forever.”
Best line of yesterday, so far
“[T]he booing started when Cheney walked onto the field — it was not in response to a crap pitch. It was in response to his crap Vice Presidenting.”
Best computer line of the day, so far
“So, Intel Macs can now run Windows: Wow – this is GREAT! Now I can combine the overpriced hardware with the inferior software!”
[NewMexiKen paid $1650 for an iMac with 20-inch widescreen monitor, 1 GB of RAM, 250 GB hard drive, 128 MB video, built-in camera and microphone. It also came with iLife ’06. Is that really overpriced?]