Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
“But let’s be frank. It’s getting harder and harder to trust Mr. Obama’s motives in the budget fight, given the way his economic rhetoric has veered to the right. In fact, if all you did was listen to his speeches, you might conclude that he basically shares the G.O.P.’s diagnosis of what ails our economy and what should be done to fix it. And maybe that’s not a false impression; maybe it’s the simple truth.”
Barack Hoover Obama
“The meaning of life is that it stops.”
Franz Kafka
“In other White House news, the president will discuss the economy on Twitter. And after ‘It sucks’ he’ll still have 133 characters left.”
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
“I hope you enjoy fireworks tonight without blowing your hand off. I never quite got the attraction of holding lit sticks with small explosives made in unknown countries by craftsmen who earn nineteen cents a month.”
“It is irresponsible to run a story with a statement from one politician saying it is sunny and warm in Alaska and another saying that actually the temperature is below zero and it’s snowing. There are real conditions in Alaska that the reporter should know and be able to tell readers. This information will let readers know that one politician is being largely truthful, while one is not. Reporters who have a job reporting the news have the time to find out about the actual weather conditions in Alaska. Readers generally do not.”
“@LauraPaskus: been raining 90 seconds so far in the south valley. 90 beautiful, wet, desert rain-smelling seconds.”
“Some kids grow up to be doctors. Some grow up to be firefighters. And some grow up to be teachers but then quit teaching, because they can make fantastic money building sand-castles for a living. It’s true, and it turns out there’s a thriving demand for sand-castle experts in the Middle East.”
“I thought [the President] was kind of a dick yesterday.”
What Mark Halperin Called Obama on Morning Joe
MSNBC suspended Halperin indefinitely.
“Another couple from The Bachelor has split up! Sometimes it just seems like reality television isn’t the best way to meet and fall in love. But that’s crazy talk!”
They also had this:
“Finally, as a public service to our readers, if anyone at work harshes your mellow today, just stare at this picture for 30 seconds. You’re welcome.”
“Tom Petty wants Michelle Bachmann to stop playing his song ‘American Girl’ at her campaign stops. She didn’t respond, ‘I won’t back down,’ but that would have been cool, huh?”
“Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.”
Michele Bachmann
The John Wayne from Waterloo, Iowa, is John Wayne GACY, the serial killer.
Marion Robert Morrison, aka THE John Wayne, was from Winterset, Iowa.
“I do support a constitutional amendment on marriage between a man and a woman, but I would not be going into the states to overturn their state law.”
Michele Bachmann in the recent debate, as reported by Bill Keller, “Solving the G.O.P.’s Gay-Marriage Problem”.
“In five decades, we’ve moved from the pre-feminist mantra about the sexual peccadilloes of married men — Boys will be boys — to post-feminist resignation: Men are dogs.”
“Last night was game 4 of the endless NBA finals. Or, if you’re a LeBron hater, Christmas.”
“3D movies are starting to flop. Audiences are finding those glasses annoying. It’s hard to text with them on.”
“Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts.”
An ally of Margaret Thatcher, quoted at guardian.co.uk.
“The male sexual brain is like a single toggle switch, whereas the female sexual brain is like the cockpit of an F1 fighter jet.”
Neuroscientist Sai Gaddam quoted in a blog post, You Won’t Attract Women with Cellphone Pictures of Your Penis.
“Katie Couric talks about her new show in the latest issue of Shit I’ll Never Watch in a Zillion Years magazine.”
“I will not accept if nominated, and will not serve if elected.”
General William Tecumseh Sherman, U.S. Army (Ret.), in a telegram June 5, 1884.
“I spend a fair amount of time reporting in developing countries, from Congo to Colombia. They’re typically characterized by minimal taxes, high levels of inequality, free-wheeling businesses and high military expenditures. Any of that ring a bell?
“In Latin American, African or Asian countries, I sometimes see shiny tanks and fighter aircraft — but schools that have trouble paying teachers. Sound familiar?”
Nick Kristof on “Our Fantasy Nation?” from today’s Times. A must read.
“Of course, it is silly to imagine that members of Congress are really arguing about ideas. They are trying to position themselves for re-election. Battles of ideas take place in college philosophy departments, not between elected officials.”
“It’s hard to find the words.”
National Spelling Bee champion Sukanya Roy when asked how it felt to win, as reported in a delightful little report by Ben Greenman.
“As children, men were told, ‘Be a man! Don’t cry!’ and women were told, ‘Let it out. Cry, you’ll feel better!’ And that’s why as adults, women become very emotional, and men become snipers.”
Pam Stone, quoted at The Quill Sisters
“He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms uh by ringing those bells and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free and we were going to be armed.”
Sarah Palin Explains Paul Revere’s Midnight Ride
But meanwhile her bus speeds, runs red lights, makes lane changes without signaling. So she is one of us.