Category: Best Line of the Day

Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.

Best line of the day, so far

What bothered the chief justice was that Exxon was being ordered to pay $2.5 billion — roughly three weeks’ worth of profits — for destroying a long swath of the Alaska coastline in the largest oil spill in American history.

“So what can a corporation do to protect itself against punitive-damages awards such as this?” Roberts asked in court.

The lawyer arguing for the Alaska fishermen affected by the spill, Jeffrey Fisher, had an idea. “Well,” he said, “it can hire fit and competent people.”

The Washington Post

Best line of the day, so far

“I’ll be ever’where—wherever you look. Wherever they’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever they’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. If Casy knowed, why, I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad an’—I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry an’ they know supper’s ready. An’ when our folks eat the stuff they raise an’ live in the houses they build—why, I’ll be there. See?”

Tom Joad, The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck, born on this date in 1902.

Best line of the day, so far

And then the Bagger learned, from the eagle-eared kids at Defamer, that Mr. Rudin “closed his Best Picture acceptance speech with a special mention to ‘my partner, John Barlow. Without you, honey, this is just hardware.’”

The Academy later updated its post, saying that the words had suddenly appeared. Good move, AMPAS. Once somebody has thanked the love of their life in front of tens of millions, the fact that all kinds of people love all kinds of people is pretty much out of the bag.

Carpetbagger

Two good lines from last night

“Senator John McCain has been accused of having an affair with a woman who was a lobbyist for a cable television company. During their affair the cable lobbyist would show up at McCain’s house sometime between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m.”

Conan

“They say this woman traveled around with McCain to his campaign stops and she also flew aboard his private jet. You know what they call a young woman who travels around with a 71-year-old man? A nurse!”

Leno

A whole lotta lines

How about this John McCain? Whoa! My gosh. Doesn’t he look like the old guy at the barber shop?

McCain looks kind of like a Wal-Mart greeter.

McCain is the guy who is always early for the early bird special, that’s what he looks like.

McCain — he looks like a mall walker, ladies and gentlemen.

McCain looks like the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors.

McCain looks like the uncle who pretends to remove his thumb.

David Letterman (who’s 60 himself)

Best line of the day, so far

“And President Bush is now pushing Congress to expand the government’s ability to spy on Americans now that the current phone tap bill has expired. In fact, to gain support for a new spying Bill, they’re bringing in coach Bill Belichick. Yeah. They are going to rename it the New England Patriot Act.”

Jay Leno

Best line from the writers back from strike, so far

“Stop saying how amazing it is for Democratic voters to have a choice for president between a woman and a black man. It’s not amazing. It’s two centuries late. It’s 2008. We’ve had 43 white guys in a row. Not to mention only one Catholic president, one bachelor president and, of course, one retarded president.”

Bill Maher

Best he really is a codger line of the day, so far

“‘Thanks for the question, you little jerk,’ he said last year to a New Hampshire high school student wondering if McCain, at 71, was too old to be president.”

From an AP article Is McCain’s Sharp Tongue Achilles Heel?

Another line from the article:

”I decided I didn’t want this guy [McCain] anywhere near a trigger.” Pete Domenici, 2000.

John McCain, Dick Cheney’s choice for president, 2008.

Best story of the day, so far

As she sipped her bloody mary, she quietly listened to two men, neatly dressed in suits. For a second she thought they were going to compare that day’s horrifying attack to the Japanese bombing in 1941 that blew America into World War II:

“This is just like Pearl Harbor,” one of the men said.

The other asked, “What is Pearl Harbor?”

“That was when the Vietnamese dropped bombs in a harbor, and it started the Vietnam War,” the first man replied.

The above from author Susan Jacoby in an article in The New York Times. Ms. Jacoby has recently written The Age of American Unreason.

There’s also this: “A few years ago she participated in the annual campaign to turn off the television for a week. ‘I was stunned at how difficult it was for me,’ she said.”

NewMexiKen knows I’m unusual, but my television hasn’t been on since the Grammy Awards show Sunday. The computer — now that’s another story.