“For those of you still not sure whether the gas tax holiday is actually a good idea or not, Bush is considering it, so that should clear things up”
Category: Best Line of the Day
Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
Best line of the day, so far
“[B]ut rather to go into that convention united as a party, ready to beat John McBush this fall.”
Rep. Nick Rahall, D-WVa
Best line of the day, so far
“On May 13, 1918, the first 24-cent stamps featuring the Curtiss Jenny biplane—the aircraft chosen to inaugurate the U.S.’s new air mail service—reached post offices. Collectors heard that some of the stamps could be rare ‘inverts,’ so they fanned out to find them. Some were successful. Today the stamps are worth approximately one bazillion dollars. Or, as it’s known overseas, a week’s stay at a cheap European hotel.”
What about the backpack?
“I think if [Miley Cyrus] goes really well, Annie Leibovitz will photograph Dora the Explorer.”
Paula Poundstone on “Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me!”
Thanks to Veronica for the tip.
Call Your Mother
“She put the mensch in dementia.”
Tom Friedman writing about his mother, on his first mother’s day without her.
Good stuff.
More lines than a sailboat
“Well, you know what’s interesting, the experts say if you do the math, there’s no way Hillary Clinton can win the nomination, and today, Hillary responded by saying, ‘People who do math are elitist.'”
“And you can tell Barack Obama is feeling confident. Did you see what he did today? He went bowling with his former pastor, Reverend Wright.”
Jay Leno
Political correctness
She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” — She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”
She has not “BEEN AROUND” — She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”
He does not have a “BEER GUT” — He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”
He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” — He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”
Thanks to Jeanne.
Line most likely to draw lightning from the heavens
Commenting on a potato with a growth inside in the shape of a cross, a skeptic at Bad Astronomy Blog remarked:
“Now, a sweet potato might be more convincing. After all, like He Himself said, ‘I yam that I yam’.”
Best line of the day, so far
“The Economics Party would be committed to changing its policy recommendation whenever the facts warranted. We’re pro flip-flop when it makes sense. In other words, our brains function properly.”
Adams is proposing a new party: “All we’ll do is agree to vote for the candidate with the best long term economic policy, according to the consensus of leading economists.”
Best line of the day, so far — at least for guys
“I come from a long line of Europeans — illiterate, mud-eating Europeans from the Outer Hebrides, to be exact, whose idea of a good time was to go down to the firth and watch the plague victims wash out to sea. Even so, I’ve always had an affinity for the Continent. Between New Orleans and Amsterdam, I prefer Amsterdam. I’ll take Rousseau over Jefferson, Beck’s over Budweiser, Formula One over NASCAR, and Heidi Klum over my knee.”
Update: Hmm, on second thought. The end of the line made me laugh out loud, but the more I think about it — the line, not the image — I find it a little too sexist.
So, first instinct, funny go with it, or second instinct, not up to the high standards of this blog — what do you think?
Best line of last night
“And sadly, the ‘father of LSD’ is dead.” He “has died at the age of 102. But the good news, the ‘mother of LSD,’ still alive and working as a judge on ‘American Idol.'”
Jay Leno
Most hypocritical line of the day, so far
“I have apologized to my family for my mistakes. And having offered this apology to the public, I would ask that you let me and my family deal with these matters in private.”
Roger Clemens
All full of hubris when he went to Capitol Hill, all for the publicity. Now that the news is negative, it’s time to take it private.
Thanks to Jill for the quotation.
Best line of the day, so far
“American consumers and our economy need a real solution to the energy crisis, not an empty trick. You can run cars on a lot of different fuels, but snake oil isn’t one of them.”
Rep. George Miller criticizing Clinton and McCain for their gasoline tax holiday proposal.
Meanwhile, “More than 200 economists, including four Nobel prize winners, signed a letter rejecting proposals by presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and John McCain to offer a summertime gas-tax holiday.” (Bloomberg.com)
Interesting line
“The industry is in denial: racing grinds up horses, and we dress up the sport with large hats, mint juleps and string bands.”
Catty remark
“Did you know former President James Garfield could write Latin with one hand and Greek with the other at the same time? That was Garfield. When President Bush heard about it, he said, ‘We had a talking cat for president?'”
Jay Leno quoted by AP — and first posted here two years ago today.
Best line of the day
“Life has a way of taking your most earnest pledges and folding them into funny hats for you to wear.”
Dan Neil, concluding a very personal essay about relationships.
Best lines
“Did you all see ‘American Idol’ Tuesday night? The story is everywhere on the Internet and the radio that Paula Abdul was drinking before she had that meltdown on ‘American Idol.’ I hope so. Because if she wasn’t drinking, that means she’s just crazy. Usually when you see somebody named Abdul babbling like that, it’s in an al Qaeda video.”
“And some sad news. ‘CSI’ actor Gary Dourdan was arrested in Palm Springs for possession of heroin, cocaine and ecstasy. Heroin, cocaine, and ecstasy. Or as Amy Winehouse calls that, a ‘happy meal.'”
Jay Leno
Best line of the day, so far
“You really can’t run a middle-class democracy with a multimillionaire press corps.”
Best line of the day, so far
“And on ABC News tonight, they said gas prices are now flirting with $4 a gallon. Flirting? Huh? Aren’t we a little beyond flirting? Aren’t we getting screwed at this point?”
Best line of the late night
It is great to see that we finally have some national unity on energy policy. Unfortunately, the unifying idea is so ridiculous, so unworthy of the people aspiring to lead our nation, it takes your breath away. Hillary Clinton has decided to line up with John McCain in pushing to suspend the federal excise tax on gasoline, 18.4 cents a gallon, for this summer’s travel season. This is not an energy policy. This is money laundering: we borrow money from China and ship it to Saudi Arabia and take a little cut for ourselves as it goes through our gas tanks. What a way to build our country.
Best line of the day, so far
“You know how Disney cares about that wholesome image. They don’t want their young starlets flashing their goods until they’re good and insane.”
Most interesting factoid of the night, so far
“In most elevators, at least in any built or installed since the early nineties, the door-close button doesn’t work. It is there mainly to make you think it works.”
From Up and Then Down, a very interesting article in last week’s New Yorker about elevators, how they work, how they fail — and the man trapped in one for 40 hours.
NewMexiKen used to work on the ninth floor of a building with particularly poor elevators. We used to argue over whether the close door buttons did anything, or if they just seemed to because the neurotics pushed the buttons about the time the door closed anyway.
Two good lines
“I have yet to hear any character on the show say something interesting or funny (though there are a couple of moments that call up bits in Jessica Simpson’s reality show several years ago, such as her breaking her head over the conundrum of ‘chicken of the sea’) ….”
“But I’m still trying to figure out why teen-agers want their bra straps to show and how it came to pass that crooked hair parts are considered chic and not a pathetic sign that you didn’t have proper mothering.”
Nancy Franklin reviewing “The Hills.”
Best paragraph of the day, so far
Referring to voters who America has left behind economically as “bitter” isn’t an insult. In fact, it’s a compliment, acknowledging that they’re smart enough to understand what’s happening to them. The hopeful, now those are some idiots. So let’s separate the bitter – my people – from the idiots. If you think the Democrats are going to take away your Bible, you’re an idiot. If you think they’re going to take away your gun, you’re an armed idiot. And if you think they’re going to take away your gun and give it to a Mexican to kill your God, you’re Bill O’Reilly.
Bill Maher via Crooks and Liars
Late night best lines
• Actually, one really embarrassing moment — you see this on the news? When the Pope blessed the crowd with holy water, well, some of it splashed on Dick Cheney, burned his skin.
• Some news from Iran. The chief of police in Tehran, who is in charge of fighting vice and bad morals, was found naked with six hookers. His name, Ahmed Spitzer.
— Jay Leno
• Well, big news, ladies and gentlemen –- the Pope is in the United States, flew into Washington, D.C. Hillary Clinton declined to meet the Pope at the airport. You know, she was worried about sniper fire.
— David Letterman