Category: Best Line of the Day

Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.

Best line of the day, so far

“[Mick] Jagger was preposterous and admirable, as always: these days, he always seems like he’s filming a workout tape.”

Ben Freeman reviewing the HBO broadcast of the Twenty-Fifth Anniversary Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Concert.

“Fergie, who had started at the back of the stage, on a riser, in a sinuous Kali-like pose, ended up in a cock-and-hen mating dance with Jagger, which wouldn’t have been a problem except for the fact that it flew in the face of context, decency, and history.”

Apparently, according to Freeman, they messed up “Gimme Shelter,” surely a capital offense. Go read his commentary; rock music criticism at its very finest.

Best lines of the day

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn’t your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He’s the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear up to the end,
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and “chisel” a plum,
And think you’re a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you’ve cheated the guy in the glass.

Dale Wimbrow, “The Man in the Glass,” 1934

Recited in full today by Al Groh, football coach, University of Virginia. The Cavaliers were 3-9.

Groh continued, “When I visited the guy in the glass, I saw that he’s a guy of commitment, of integrity, of dependability and accountability. He’s loyal. His spirit is indomitable. And he is caring and loving. I’m sure I will always call the guy in the glass a friend.”

And that was his whole press conference. Bravo Coach.

Update: The poetry didn’t help. Groh was fired. He was 59-53 for nine seasons.

Best Thanksgiving lines of the day, so far

The turkey-pardoning is supposed to be a long-running national tradition, but it officially only goes back to George (the Good One) Bush and 1989. Since Thanksgiving is a holiday that’s particularly rich in long-running traditions, 20 years barely counts as an impulsive gesture.

If we want a political tradition, we can do better. Let’s all just gather around the family computer and watch that video of Sarah Palin discussing Thanksgiving in front of a bloody turkey abattoir.

Gail Collins

Best judicial lines of the day

“The affirmative conduct exhibited by Plaintiff [IndyMac] at least since since February 24, 2009 (and perhaps earlier) has been and is inequitable, unconscionable, vexatious and opprobrious. The Court is constrained, solely as a result of Plaintiff’s affirmative acts, to conclude that Plaintiff’s conduct is wholly unsupportable at law or in equity, greatly egregious and so completely devoid of good faith that equity cannot be permitted to intervene on its behalf. Indeed, Plaintiff’s actions toward Defendant in this matter have been harsh, repugnant, shocking and repulsive to the extent that it must be appropriately sanctioned so as to deter it from imposing further mortifying abuse against Defendant.

Jeffrey Spinner, Suffolk County Supreme Court, quoted by Felix Salmon

According to Salmon, Judge “Spinner then voided the entire debt, leaving Yano-Horoski in full possession of 100% of the equity in her home, and the bank with nothing whatsoever.”

Go read Salmon’s whole excerpt.

Scary economic news line of the day

“Nearly 10.7 million, or 23 percent, of all residential properties with mortgages were in negative equity as of September, 2009. An additional 2.3 million mortgages were approaching negative equity, meaning they had less than five percent equity. Together negative equity and near negative equity mortgages account for nearly 28 percent of all residential properties with a mortgage nationwide.”

Via Calculated Risk

“The distribution of negative equity is heavily concentrated in five states: Nevada (65 percent), which had the highest percentage negative equity, followed by Arizona (48 percent), Florida (45 percent), Michigan (37 percent) and California (35 percent).”

So, two-thirds of the people with mortgages in Nevada owe more than their property is worth; nearly half in Arizona.

Best line of late night

“That evil guy, the evil masterminding terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, he is going on trial here in New York City. I will tell you something, this guy is nothing but evil. One time he called CNN and told him that his son was floating away in a balloon.”

David Letterman

Best line of the day

The list is the origin of culture. It’s part of the history of art and literature. What does culture want? To make infinity comprehensible. It also wants to create order — not always, but often. And how, as a human being, does one face infinity? How does one attempt to grasp the incomprehensible? Through lists, through catalogs, through collections in museums and through encyclopedias and dictionaries. There is an allure to enumerating how many women Don Giovanni slept with: It was 2,063, at least according to Mozart’s librettist, Lorenzo da Ponte. We also have completely practical lists — the shopping list, the will, the menu — that are also cultural achievements in their own right.

Interview with Umberto Eco: ‘We Like Lists Because We Don’t Want to Die’

Best line of the morning, so far

“Katey can dribble a basketball, juggle a set of knives, and text a friend all at the same time. It’s not so much impressive as it is terrifying.”

dooce®

Jeez, and I can’t even fill the kitchen sink and text at the same time. (The iPhone has just about fully recovered though.)

Best line of last night

“You know who’s coming to New York City? Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is coming here. He’s coming to New York City for the big trial, and also, he’s promoting his new book, ‘Really Going Rogue.'”

David Letterman