“I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?”
Ronnie Shakes
First posted here five years ago today.
Category: Best Line of the Day
Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
Best redux line of the day
“The recent haggling over Guantanamo Bay is such classic Democratic Party politics, it almost makes you want to laugh. Almost, except that it’s, you know, revolting. Eight years of Clintonian squirming was bad enough, but now we have Barack Obama, smoking Habeas Corpus and not inhaling it.”
Matt Taibbi, first posted here one year ago today. It’s only gotten worse.
Best line of the day
“[Manute Bol] had his career, and then he spent the rest of his life, and all of his money, trying to do all the good he could in one of the worst places in the world. He died a few days ago, God rest his formidable soul. I am proud to have known him.”
Manute Bol was 47.
Best line of the day
“Representative Joe Barton, a Republican of Texas, has a crush on the oil industry of a size that’s seldom been equaled outside of ‘High School Musical.’ ”
Best line of the day
“Police in Idaho think they might have solved a yearlong condiment crime spree.”
Best line of the week
Q. What is the new definition of “Taliban”?
A. Anyone who lives above a lithium deposit
Scott Adams regarding “something that the Pentagon has known for years: Afghanistan is sitting on a trillion dollars worth of valuable minerals.”
“If you’re wondering when the U.S. will withdraw its forces from Afghanistan, you now have your answer: Never.”
Best line of the day
“It’s unfortunate that walruses were included.”
Exxon Mobil’s CEO as quoted in Gail Collins column today. The CEO was referring to the bogus Gulf oil drilling emergency plans.
Collins’s column is good.
Best line of the day
“I’d rather listen to Michael Bolton’s Greatest Hits than one of those infernal World Cup horns.”
Line of the day
“If you’re cheap and/or lazy and use only water as your windshield wiper fluid, you could increase your risk of contracting Legionnaire’s disease and pneumonia, according to a new study. That’s right, treat your car poorly and it will try to kill you.”
The Consumerist has the details.
Best redux line of the day
It’s graduation time around New York City. We have a lot of honor students here. Yes your honor, no your honor, not guilty your honor.”
David Letterman
First posted here in 2006
Best line of the day
“Eh.”
Joan Walsh referring to President Obama’s speech last night.
Truest line of the day
“The most welcome surprise is the performance of ESPN/ABC, which is putting on an excellent show. The camera angles and replays are first-rate, the commentary is crisp and professional, and there are none of the tape-delays and puke-inducing soap-opera dramatizations with which NBC besmirches the Olympics.”
Best line of the day
I read another comment on Severson’s story: “So, from the picture, does this look like a good job? I mean really! Maybe this ‘way of life’ wasn’t so great after all?”
To that commenter, I say this: I’m with you, if what you mean is these people should be treated and paid with respect. But if what you mean is, as I suspect, all this talk of goodbye to Gulf seafood is just romanticized bullshit, I can tell you that it’s hard work and it can suck and you can get carpal tunnel and you stand in the cold all day and stink like low tide, but for many people working these jobs, it’s what they’ve got.
Best line of the day
“Waiting for the iPhone to come to Verizon is sort of like waiting for the Cubs to win the World Series. In theory, it’s overdue to happen, and when it does, it will be huge. But until then, it’s best to treat it as a fantasy—an event so unlikely that we’d be wise to go about our normal lives until we see real evidence of it actually occurring.”
Best line of the day
“The usual American soccer manifesto consists of bluster about soccer as the sport of the future because lots of American children play it (the same logic would suggest apple juice is the drink of the future) …”
He must think he works for BP
“Interior Secretary Ken Salazar told lawmakers on Wednesday that the riser cut increased flow four to five percent — though given the extraordinary range of guesses involved, it’s hard to fathom how he could be so sure.”
Here it is, live. I’d say it’s about 2.475% better than yesterday. What do you think? Your guess is as good as anybody else’s.
Another damn socialist
“Everybody is going to contribute to this clean up. We are all going to have to do it. We are going to have to get the money from the government and from the companies and we will figure out a way to do that.”
Tom Donohue, president of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.
America, the land of double-entry bookkeeping. If it’s in the black, it’s profit. If it’s in the red, it’s the government’s problem.
Best line of the day
“We know if this was Reagan, he would have stripped to his skivvies, put a knife in his teeth, gone down there and punched that oil well shut!”
Stephen Colbert, quoted by Nicholas D. Kristof
Best line of the day
“I realize that there’s a concerted Democratic campaign to portray Republican Senate nominee Sharon Angle as a nut. That does not change the fact that Sharron Angle is, in fact, a nut.”
Best line of the day
“I’m a Nebraska native, and when I first heard rumblings of a conference switch, I thought, well, it’s only a number; in my youth, the Big 12 was only the Big Eight. And it’s all about money, anyway.
“But this realignment disrupts rivalries that are central to the pleasure sports give to fans—especially Nebraska fans, who are inoculated with an unusually pure strain of fandom. As far as high-profile sports go, the Cornhusker football team is literally the only game in town. At school on Mondays after a Saturday loss, everyone was still a bit depressed. And I’m talking about elementary school. …”
Best huh? line of the day
“We have the opportunity to send a very positive message, and that message is dump Harry Reid.”
Nevada Republican senate nominee Sharron Angle as reported by Hendrik Hertzberg
Best Strasburg line of the day, so far
“Stephen Strasburg’s 14-strikeout debut performance for the Washington Nationals on Tuesday night didn’t just meet expectations, it took those expectations out on a date, romanced them, and then married the expectations in a lavish beachside ceremony attended by Tom Cruise and Barbara Streisand.”
Best line of the other day I forgot to post
“I started the Sarah Vowell book on the plane yesterday and I am almost done with it. I LOVE it. I want to go find her and be best friends with her.”
Jill reporting from Grand Cayman regarding Sarah Vowell’s Assassination Vacation
Best line of the day about doughnuts
RENTON, Wash. — Seahawks rookie wide receiver Golden Tate apologized Tuesday and said he was “very embarrassed” after police in suburban Seattle gave him a warning for trespassing into a gourmet doughnut shop at 3 a.m. last weekend.
The former Notre Dame star says it was a foolish mistake but that he is glad to have learned a valuable lesson without getting arrested.
Tate says a friend took a couple of maple bars from the shop, which is at the bottom of the building in which Tate lives.
He says “they are irresistible.”
Seahawks coach Pete Carroll says he has talked to Tate, and agrees that maple bars can be irresistible.
Best line to put a little balance into it of the day
“Look, I hate to be the skunk at the garden party here. And, by all accounts, [John Wooden] was a wonderful man. But it should be noted before we’re all swept away in a tsunami of Hoosier piety that anyone arguing for John Wooden’s integrity based on the UCLA basketball program that he ran is simply arguing against the historical record …”.
UCLA basketball during its dynasty was about as bad as programs this side of John Calipari can get. Cars, cash, clothes, stereos, airline tickets, abortions — for 15 years. If Wooden didn’t know, it’s because he didn’t want to know.