Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
“A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The story must contain three components: (1) Religion, (2) Sexuality, and (3) Mystery. There was only one A paper in the entire class. In full: ‘Good God! I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it.’”
First posted here nine years ago today.
“The sentence for attempted murder should be the same as for successful murder. Otherwise we’re just rewarding incompetence.”
Scott Adams quoting a commenter on his blog some years back.
“All I am doing is following what to me is the clear wording of the First Amendment that ‘Congress shall make no law…abridging the freedom of speech or of the press.’ As I have said innumerable times before, I simply believe that ‘no law’ means no law.”
Justice Hugo Black, born on this date in 1886.
Two people I worked closely with are retiring today.
I was going to send them an article from the Wall Street Journal’s The Wallet about retirement coaches.
But then I remembered, when I was ready to retire I was more interested in getting a retirement couch.
“[T]hose who meditated for about 30 minutes a day for eight weeks had measurable changes in gray-matter density in parts of the brain associated with memory, sense of self, empathy and stress.”
How Meditation May Change the Brain – NYTimes.com
I can’t remember the last time I meditated and I don’t understand the people who do meditate. Life is too busy. Who has time for that shit?
“[M]ost people get worse as they grow older, because they become more like themselves.”
Paul Krugman stating a particular example from Issawi’s Law on the conservation of evil.
Above from this date 2011.
“Osama bin Laden released his first new audiotaped message in over a year. While there is some new material in the message, insiders say it’s mostly a Greatest Threats collection. A White House spokesman says they plan to check out the message in its entirety, but they’re too busy listening to your phone calls.”
— Tina Fey
From this date in 2006. Eight. Years. Ago.
As soon as you’re born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you’re clever and they despise a fool
Till you’re so fucking crazy you can’t follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
When they’ve tortured and scared you for twenty odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can’t really function you’re so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you’re so clever and classless and free
But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
There’s room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero, well, just follow me
If you want to be a hero, well, just follow me
John Lennon (1940-1980)
Julius Henry “Groucho” Marx born 123 years ago today.
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
“I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.”
“Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.”
“Room service? Send up a larger room.”
“I intend to live forever, or die trying.”
“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them — well, I have others.”
“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
Constitutional Convention, September 17, 1787
Juanita has the best line of the day and Ben & Jerry’s has a new flavor: Apple-y Ever After.
Grab a Spoon! http://t.co/40AY7035
“Chalk one up for the building, for the fans, for Albuquerque. New Mexico’s program might be a mid-major. Its arena is top five.”
“… Republican mantra that the president is deliberately keeping the nation’s public-spirited energy companies from providing us with the cheap gas to which the Founding Fathers, working in close collabortation with Jesus, gave us as our birthright.”
This one from just a year ago, but …
[Bill] Russell is often asked about his reaction to the Presidential Medal of Freedom, which he will receive from President Obama on Tuesday, as will former President George H. W. Bush, Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany, Stan Musial and 11 others.
Is this the greatest personal honor in his life?
“A close second,” Russell replied.
Umm, what’s first? The tentativeness of the question elicited the familiar whooping roar of laughter occasionally emitted by this publicly serious man.
“When he was about 77, my father and I were talking,” Russell answered. “And he said: ‘You know, you’re all grown up now, and I want to tell you something. You know, I am very proud of the way you turned out as my son, and I’m proud of you as a father.’”
“If men could get pregnant, BC pills would be [in] gumball machines in every lobby in the country. #CanIGetAWitness”
“So he made a movie in which he traces the route of the Pilgrims from England, to Holland, and thence to Plymouth, where they established their colony so generations of Massachusetts schoolchildren can go there on field trips and say, in perfect harmony, ‘What the fk? It’s just a rock.’ ”
“…for the Republican Party to be a majority, you have to have some people in the Silicon Valley passing around white wine and cheese and at the same time you have Republicans in Kentucky passing around live rattlesnakes.”
Sal Russo, founder of the Tea Party Express, quoted at Juanita Jean’s
“Because what I really believe is, Let’s spend a little more time leaving everybody alone. These people who are making a big deal out of gay marriage? I don’t give a fuck about who wants to get married to anybody else! Why not?! We’re making a big deal out of things we shouldn’t be making a deal out of.”
“It’s remarkable how quickly the proposed XL tar-sands pipeline from Alberta to Texas has become an article of faith among the Republicans. Every one of them gives you the unmistakable impression that, if they didn’t have all this running-for-president stuff to do, they’d be out there on the Canadian plains right now, pick and shovel in hand, digging out the trench themselves, like John Henry with his hammer, Lord, Lord.”
“We live in a time where 6-year-old kids on Madden design more complicated offenses and defenses than Papa Halas ever dreamed about.”
… seven years ago today.
“NewMexiKen visited the doctor for a routine exam yesterday. Nothing wrong that being younger couldn’t cure.”
“This is an industry that demands payment from summer camps if the kids sing Happy Birthday or God Bless America, an industry that issues takedown notices for a 29 second home movie of a toddler dancing to Prince. Traditional American media firms are implacably opposed to any increase in citizens’ ability to create, copy, save, alter, or share media on our own. They fought against cassette audio tapes, and photocopiers. They swore the VCR would destroy Hollywood. They tried to kill Tivo. They tried to kill MiniDisc. They tried to kill player pianos. They do this whenever a technology increases user freedom over media. Every time. Every single time.”
From a piece by Clay Shirky.
As Shirky says, there is a reasonable discussion to be had here. The problem with SOPA/PIPA isn’t that the bills attempt to limit the unauthorized use of copyrighted material. The problem is that they are entertainment industry written and sponsored legislation ($100 million in lobbying) that give the industry vigilante rights.
“I thought Romney was a disaster and last night very nearly achieved the impossible: sharing a stage with Newt Gingrich and looking like the bigger asshole.”
And this:
“Romney is so totally insincere and calculating and soulless, it physically offends other politicians.”
“NBC has unleashed Tom Brokaw, the Man Who Invented World War II, on the voters of South Carolina. He ‘spent two days reporting’ among former Bush-Cheney hacks, Huckleberry Graham, and even some Ordinary Folks, to discover that tonight, we will see ‘what Mitt Romney is made of.’
“(The answer, of course, is ‘money.’ And ‘Velveeta.’)”
“I don’t know if this means anything, but, long about half-past 35-7 the other night in Foxboro, I could’ve sworn I saw a couple of New England Patriots rolling dice for Tim Tebow’s jersey.”