“The old pols used to say that a particularly incompetent one of their number could ‘screw up a two-car funeral.’ This guy could do it if you spotted him the hearse.”
A correspondent at Altercation
Category: Best Line of the Day
Clever turns of phrase, special splashes of wit, provocative insight — all in a sentence or two.
Best line of the day, so far
“W. drove his budget-cutting Chevy to the levee, and it wasn’t dry. Bye, bye, American lives.”
Maureen Dowd in The New York Times
Best line of the day, so far
“[D]o you realize that three of the six Democratic presidential candidates as of the New Hampshire primary in 2004 were from states that border New Hampshire? This ridiculous institutional bias in favor of New England has got to go ….”
Colorado Luis in an excellent discussion on “Democrats and the West.”
Best line of the day, so far
“I went to fill up this morning and there was a sign on the pump, ‘We take Visa, Master Card, American Express.’ So they took my Visa, Mastercard and my American Express!”
Jay Leno (August 10)
Worst line of the day, so far
Jose Canseco wrote the steroid exposé “Juiced,” and in response his ex-wife Jessica is giving him the needle with “Juicy: Confessions of a Former Baseball Wife.”
It’s a move she might come to regret.
Rumor has it Jose just might be miffed enough to pen yet another tell-all tome: “I Loved Juicy.”
Dwight Perry at Sideline Chatter in The Seattle Times.
Best line of the day, so far
“That is just pure poopie del pollo!”
Juanita’s, The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., commenting on county commissioners’ campaign finance reports.
Best line of a year ago today
“I wouldn’t urinate down his throat if his heart was on fire.”
James Carville, referring to independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader (quoted by Eric Alterman)
Best line of the day, so far
“The panel’s approach in this case leads to the result that regulating the taking of a hapless toad that, for reasons of its own, lives its entire life in California constitutes regulating ‘Commerce…among the several States.'”
Judge Roberts, dissenting from denial of rehearing en banc in Rancho Viejo v. Norton (2003).
Best line of the day, so far
“This thing has more voices than Linda Blair in full antichrist mode.”
— Dan Neil on the “deep whirring, warbles and roars” of the Ferrari F-30 Spider, price, as tested: $212,000.
Best line of the day, so far
“I am not a good Washington pedestrian. The avenues are too wide, and I always miscalculate the time it will take me to beat the light. Plus I have an unfortunate tendency to rubberneck — ‘Look! The Lincoln Memorial! The Archives! Joe Lieberman, bending over backward!'”
Best line of the day, so far
“[L]ike Matt Cooper, [Tim] Russert had testified to the grand jury on the Plame affair, yet at no point during the interview did the salient fact sally forth to the viewer. The pretense was uninvolved journalist interviewing involved participant: the reality was one pea in the pod interviewing a fellow pea.”
Harry Shearer at The Huffington Post.
Best line of the day, so far
Before the 134th British Open began, one of Tiger Woods’s advisers mentioned to him that if he were to win here on the Old Course, his 10 victories in pro majors and his three U.S. Amateur titles would match Bobby Jones’s total of 13 majors won from 1923 to 1930.
With that boyish smile, Woods said, “Apples to apples.”
Jones, playing before there was a Masters and never in the PGA (he was an amateur), won five U.S. and one British amateur championships, as well as four U.S. and three British opens. Jack Nicklaus won two U.S. Amateur championships. If included as majors, that would bring Nicklaus’ total to 20.
Best line of the day, so far
“Santorum got excited because he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2 to 4 years.”
Crooks and Liars Stupid Santorum Jokes
Another (from the comments):
Q: What would Rick Santorum say if you asked him if his turn signal is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Best line of the day, so far
“Numbers became so important that if the SecDef went to a briefing and we had reported that we had captured 14 Al Qaeda and it really turned out to be 12 or 16, then it would be easier to let two go or go back and capture two more rather than to try to change the OSD [Office of the Secretary of Defense] number.”
A deputy commanding general in Afghanistan quoted in Sean Naylor’s Not A Good Day to Die via INTEL DUMP
Best line of the day, so far
“There’s not much you can say about someone who claims to have read the Bible cover to cover and came away from it thinking it encourages hatred for fellow human beings.”
— Massachusetts Representative Martin T. Meehan quoted in The Boston Globe. He’s speaking specifically of U.S. Senator Rick Santorum, R-Idiot.
Best line of the day, so far
“The authors suggest that this overestimation occurs, in part, because people who are unskilled…suffer a dual burden: Not only do these people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it.”
In other words, the less you know, the more you think you know. Or, to put it yet another way, stupid is as stupid does.
Best line of the day, so far
“When Was The Last Time Liberals Were This Giddy?”
“Answer — The Last Time Liberals Were This Giddy Was Election Day ’04 About 3pm”
Best line of the day, so far
“In an exclusive poll I once conducted among fellow [airline] passengers, I found that 80 percent favored forcing Mr. Reid to sit next to the metal detector, helping small children put their sneakers back on.”
John Tierney in The New York Times in a column arguing that Internet hackers deserve a punishment worse than death. Mr. Reid, of course, is the would-be shoe bomber that brought about the removal of shoes in airport security lines.
Best line of the day, so far
“[F]or Bush to get rid of Rove, would be like Charlie McCarthy firing Edgar Bergen.”
Best line of the day, so far
“Beware the leader who bangs the drum of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor. For patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind.”
The Writer’s Almanac, quoting Julius Caesar, who was born on this date around 100 B.C.
Best line of the day, so far
Jon Stewart recently had a bit about victimized American Christians . . . in which he expressed his fervent prayer that someday — someday! — this great and tolerant country of ours may actually elect a Christian president. “Or 43 of them. Consecutively.”
Best line of the day, so far
“So, remember, as you plan your family’s financial future: Now is an excellent time to be wealthy.”
Best line of the day, so far
“And what about the theological implications of all this? If God is the designer, and we are created in his image, does that mean he has back problems too?”
David P. Barash in the Los Angeles Times.
Barash writes about the imperfections in the human body that imply natural selection rather than a divine creator.
Best line of the day, so far
“[Pickett’s Charge] was a magnificent mile-wide spectacle, a picture-book view of war that participants on both sides remembered with awe until their dying moment—which for many came within the next hour.”
James M. McPherson, Battle Cry of Freedom
The Confederate charge at Gettysburg was on this date in 1863.
Best line of the day, so far
“Bush called on Americans to sacrifice ‘during this difficult time between American Idol seasons.'”