Top Ten Things I Have Learned From “Dancing With The Stars” presented by Jerry Springer
10. Sometimes your best choreographer is Johnny Walker
9. There are no disputes that can’t be settled by dancing — think about it North Korea
8. The fitness training will come in handy on my show when breaking up fights between hookers
7. I’m allergic to sequins
6. You do much better if you take the vitamins supplied by Barry Bonds’ trainer
5. The definition of “star” has really loosened up
4. This might be why the terrorists hate us
3. I have a whole new respect for the exotic dancers on my show
2. If there’s one thing more exciting than being on “Dancing With The Stars,” it’s no longer being on “Dancing With The Stars”
1. I need a new agent