Job opportunity

NewMexiKen received this lucrative email a short while ago.

Become a legally ordained minister within 48 hours

As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!

Perform Weddings, Funerals, Perform Baptisms, Forgiveness of Sins
Visit Correctional Facilities

Want to start your own church?

Press here to find out how

Marriage for all who want to be married and communion without questioning the communicant’s political points-of-view will be dogma at the First Church of NewMexiKen.

And how coordinated were you at age 3?

Jill, Mack’s mommy, also reports that watching a bunch of three-, four- and five-year-olds doing jumping-jacks is funnier than any movie Hollywood has put out in 20 years. Some clap, some jump, but no one gets the whole thing together.

Look out, Barry!

Three-year-old Mack informs everyone (through his mommy) that he was one of only two kids to hit a home run* during his at bat at tee ball class today. Yay Mack!

*”Home runs” are conditional in many ways. Some, but not all, of the factors that contribute to a tee ball home run include:

1) How well the child hits the ball off the tee.

2) The speed with which the instructor reaches the child and redirects him towards first base after the child goes tearing indiscriminately towards left field.

3) How many of the children playing in the field are actually paying attention to the at bat, rather than standing at the bleachers asking their mommies for goldfish crackers.

4) The “coming within ten to twelve feet of second base is close enough” clause.

5) Which child fields the ball. It’s usually Zachary or Carson (“The Big Kids”), and no way are you getting a home run. But if your ball accidentally trickles right up to the feet of Noah (“The Kid Who Won’t Participate Without His Mommy”) you stand a chance.

Update: Lest it not be clear, Mack’s mommy provided this report.

The first value that faith teaches us is justice

Rick Freedman at World on Fire has drafted a speech for John Kerry on the matter of religion, values and politics. It’s a fine job. In NewMexiKen’s opinion, Kerry’s candidacy and – more importantly – the nation would be served if Kerry actually delivered it, or something very much like it. It is, sadly, a different world today, but a speech of this nature could help neutralize the religion issue, not unlike John Kennedy’s address to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association did in 1960.

NewMexiKen particularly liked Freedman’s use of Martin Luther King’s “Letter from a Birmingham Jail.”

The speech begins about seven paragraphs down the column, not that you should skip the discussion that precedes it.

Sounds like fun to try

From an article in The Albuquerque Tribune about the $7 million expansion at the Rio Grande Zoo:

While the new chimpanzee area will be closed off from the public, visitors can peer in through large windows.

“We have to keep the chimps isolated from the public. They tend to throw things,” Morin said.

But the chimps will have one of the more interactive exhibits in their post-renovation digs. Visitors can test their strength against the chimps by pulling on a rope that will go through a hole into the exhibit wall.

“There could be three or four of us on the rope and we still probably couldn’t pull a chimp over,” Morin said.

Communication, consultation and cooperation, all in the service of conservation

The Albuquerque Tribune supports the preservation of Otero Mesa:

Earlier this month, a watershed event in Western wilderness protection occurred in Idaho, where a coalition of competing interests announced a surprise proposal to protect the stunning Owyhee Canyonlands, long recognized as the largest unprotected potential wild area in the country outside of Alaska.

The proposal still is generating significant debate two weeks later and may or may not succeed politically. But it represents a collaborative model that could provide a solution in New Mexico to the increasingly contentious fight over the equally precious Otero Mesa.

There are many similarities between the Owyhee Canyonlands and Otero Mesa, with hundreds of thousands of natural and unique acres at stake in each. In fact, many conservation organizations consider the two tracts among the most important large federal land areas left worthy of massive wilderness and biodiversity protection.

Sinners unite!

From Molly Ivins:

AUSTIN — Sinners of Texas, unite! We have nothing to lose but our vices! In case you hadn’t noticed, our only governor, Goodhair Perry, is fixing to tax the bejeezus out of us. It’s not as though the state’s topers, gamblers and smokers aren’t already putting in well more than our fair share. And do we get any recognition for it? Do we get any respect? We do not! All we get is a bunch of Baptists telling us we’re going to hell. As we lift our heavy glasses in bars from El Paso to Corpus, as we puff poison into our lungs from Amarillo to Laredo, nobly sacrificing our health for the sake of better education, we are despised and scorned. If it weren’t for sinners, this state would be broke already. Now the man wants to pile even more taxes on us. We have to draw the line somewhere: I want to make it clear that much as I support public education, I will not go to topless bars for the sake of the schoolchildren of Texas.

Continue reading Molly Ivins.

Isn’t this racism?

There’s a lot of people in the world who don’t believe that people whose skin color may not be the same as ours can be free and self-govern. I reject that. I reject that strongly. I believe that people who practice the Muslim faith can self-govern. I believe that people whose skins aren’t necessarily — are a different color than white can self-govern.

George W. Bush, April 30, 2004 (from White House Press Release)

Link via Josh Marshall

Sibling rivalry

Bad week for … Family loyalty, when Kevin Spacey’s older brother said he was writing a book that would expose Spacey’s private life. “I’m looking for 15 minutes of fame, and this book will give me that,” said the brother, a professional Rod Stewart impersonator.

The Week Newsletter

How low can they go?

A Louisiana legislator has introduced a bill banning anyone from “wearing his pants below his waist and thereby exposing his skin or intimate clothing.” The bill is aimed at teenagers’ “disrespectful, obscene, and unprofessional” fashion, including baggy pants and low-rise jeans, said legislator Derrick Shepherd. But local ACLU director Joe Cook said the bill’s broad language would give police a problem. “I can think of a lot of workers, plumbers, who are working and expose their buttocks,” Cook said.

The Week Newsletter

Willie Nelson…

is 71 today. Rolling Stone tells us that:

1961 proved to be a turning point in Nelson’s career. After moving to Nashville, he landed a music publishing contract with Pamper Records. That year, three songs penned by Nelson hit the charts; Faron Young’s “Hello Walls,” Billy Walker’s “Funny How Time Slips Away” and Patsy Cline’s now-legendary lament “Crazy” all hit the Top 40.

BillandWillie.jpg

Throughout the 1960s, Nelson recorded a series of minor country hits. In 1965 he signed a deal with RCA Records, was accepted as a member of the Grand Ole Opry and became deeply entrenched in the Nashville music scene. By the close of the decade, however, Nelson was looking in a new direction. In an attempt to distance himself from what he felf was the formulaic country music coming out of Nashville at the time, Nelson moved back to Austin to reinvent his sound. In 1973 he released Shotgun Willie on Atlantic Records, the first album of his new “outlaw country” image. Nelson reached superstar status in 1975 when, after jumping from Atlantic to Columbia, he recorded the under-produced Red-Headed Stranger, which contained his first smash hit, a remake of Roy Acuff’s “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain.”

In 1978 Nelson teamed up with fellow country outlaw Waylon Jennings to record Waylon and Willie and the country anthem “Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.” At the end of the ’70s, Nelson made the jump to the big screen appearing in Robert Redford’s The Electric Horseman and Honeysuckle Rose, for which he recorded his signature song “On the Road Again.”

George Washington…

took office as the first President of the United States on this date in 1789. Because neither the House nor Senate achieved a quorum until April, Washington’s unanimous election on February 4, wasn’t made official until April 14. Washington immediately departed Mount Vernon for New York to take the oath and was met along the way with parades and dinners in every little town. As Madison noted, Washington was about the only aspect of the new government that really appealed to people.

4%

From the Political Animal, Kevin Drum:

4%….This year, about 50% of the voting age population will vote in the presidential election.

However, only 30% of the population lives in contested states.

And according to the latest New York Times poll, only 25% of the people they surveyed are still undecided about who they’re going to vote for.

Do the arithmetic and that adds up to 4% of the electorate. Everything you see for the next six months from George Bush and John Kerry — every ad, every dollar, every speech, every prerecorded telephone call — is aimed at trying to convert about 4% of the total voting age population. The other 96% of us are basically spectators — either we’re not going to vote, we live in states that are foregone conclusions, or we’ve already made up our minds.

Do you know anyone who’s part of the 4%? If you do, get to work on them.

We report, you take sides

STATEMENT OF THE SINCLAIR BROADCAST GROUP

The ABC Television network announced on Tuesday that the Friday, April 30th edition of “Nightline” will consist entirely of Ted Koppel reading aloud the names of U.S. servicemen and women killed in action in Iraq. Despite the denials by a spokeswoman for the show the action appears to be motivated by a political agenda designed to undermine the efforts of the United States in Iraq.

While the Sinclair Broadcast Group honors the memory of the brave members of the military who have sacrificed their lives in the service of our country, we do not believe such political statements should be disguised as news content. As a result, we have decided to preempt the broadcast of “Nightline” this Friday on each of our stations which air ABC programming.

We understand that our decision in this matter may be questioned by some. Before you judge our decision, however, we would ask that you first question Mr. Koppel as to why he chose to read the names of the 523 troops killed in combat in Iraq, rather than the names of the thousands of private citizens killed in terrorists attacks since and including the events of September 11, 2001. In his answer, you will find the real motivation behind his action scheduled for this Friday.

ABC NEWS STATEMENT IN RESPONSE TO SINCLAIR

We respectfully disagree with Sinclair’s decision to pre-empt “Nightline’s” tribute to America’s fallen soldiers which will air this Friday, April 30. The Nightline broadcast is an expression of respect which simply seeks to honor those who have laid down their lives for this country. ABC News is dedicated to thoughtful and balanced coverage and reports on the events shaping our world with neither fear nor favor — as our audience expects, deserves, and rightly demands. Contrary to the statement issued by Sinclair, which takes issue with our level of coverage of the effects of terrorism on our citizens, ABC News and all of our broadcasts, including “Nightline,” have reported hundreds of stories on 9-11. Indeed, on the first anniversary of 9-11, ABC News broadcast the names of the victims of that horrific attack.

In sum, we are particularly proud of the journalism and award winning coverage ABC News has produced since September 11, 2001. ABC News will continue to report on all facets of the war in Iraq and the War on Terrorism in a manner consistent with the standards which ABC News has set for decades.

Source: Poynter Online

Link via Eschaton.

Top Ten Chapter Titles In Bill Clinton’s Memoirs

From Letterman (April 27)

10. “I’m Writing This Chapter Naked”

9. “I Pray Hillary Doesn’t Read Pages 6, 18, 41-49, 76 And Everything Past 200”

8. “Protecting The Constitution: How To Get Gravy Stains Out Of The Parchment”

7. “A Few Of My Favorite Subpoenas”

6. “From Gennifer to Paula to Monica: Why It Pays To Keep Lowering Your Standards”

5. “1995-1998: The Extra-Pasty Years”

4. “Kneel To The Chief”

3. “What’s The Deal With That Moron You Guys Replaced Me With?”

2. “NAFTA — Bringing America Into… Ah Screw That, Who Wants To Read Some More About Bubba Gettin’ Down?”

1. “The Night I Accidentally Slept With Hillary”

Edward Kennedy Ellington…

that is, Duke Ellington, was born in Washington, D.C., on this date in 1899.

The PBS web site for JAZZ A Film By Ken Burns sums up Ellington succinctly.

Edward Kennedy “Duke” Ellington was the most prolific composer of the twentieth century in terms of both number of compositions and variety of forms. His development was one of the most spectacular in the history of music, underscored by more than fifty years of sustained achievement as an artist and an entertainer. He is considered by many to be America’s greatest composer, bandleader, and recording artist.

The extent of Ellington’s innovations helped to redefine the various forms in which he worked. He synthesized many of the elements of American music — the minstrel song, ragtime, Tin Pan Alley tunes, the blues, and American appropriations of the European music tradition — into a consistent style with which, though technically complex, has a directness and a simplicity of expression largely absent from the purported art music of the twentieth century. Ellington’s first great achievements came in the three-minute song form, and he later wrote music for all kinds of settings: the ballroom, the comedy stage, the nightclub, the movie house, the theater, the concert hall, and the cathedral. His blues writing resulted in new conceptions of form, harmony, and melody, and he became the master of the romantic ballad and created numerous works that featured the great soloists in his jazz orchestra.

The Red Hot Jazz Archive has a number of Ellington recordings on line [RealAudio files].

Hearst redux

The Hearst Castle web site has brief but thorough biographies of William Randolph Hearst and those around him. It includes this interesting factoid, “At his peak he owned over two dozen newspapers nationwide; in fact, nearly one in four Americans got their news from a Hearst paper.”