Category: Silliness

Goldfish + Mountain Dew + 9 Volt Battery = Lives

A three-minute video (no sound).

That’s not cleavage — that’s a cutting board.

We consider this a high alert situation that needs to be monitored and, as quickly as possible, repaired. Somebody please make her some fried chicken, or take her to Jack In The Box for some meat and cheese between slices of butter-soaked sourdough. Britney? Where are you, dear? You’re needed. Sheryl can hold Sean Preston on her lap (if she has the strength) while you take her through the drive-thru.

Go Fug Yourself

Go see the photo.

Valentine’s Day is coming.

Don’t miss Go Fug Yourself today.

Another in a series of household hints based upon NewMexiKen’s personal experience.

There are three essential steps to making coffee: (1) Add filter and coffee, (2) Add water, (3) Turn on the coffee maker. EACH of these steps is essential. Failure to turn on the coffee maker can delay the entire process.

Other hints here, here, here, here and here.

Update: I hate it when I come up with two household hints in the same morning, but here’s the second: When you’ve had a cold for several days, before starting the washer it’s a good idea to check the pockets of any laundry to make certain you didn’t stick a tissue in a pocket.

The worst restaurant theme ever.

Via Functional Ambivalent.

NewMexiKen has seen so many studies and articles over the years recommending exercise as important to good health that I’m beginning to think there might be something to it.

Anyone have any personal experience with this approach?

If Go Fug Yourself doesn’t do it for you, how about a pair of mugging mug shots from The Smoking Gun?

How about a good Go Fug Yourself laugh?

Paris Hilton doesn’t change facial expressions [with sound!].

Link via kottke.org.

Cory, obviously with a lot of time on his hands, calculates the center of gravity for the Manhattan Starbucks. Go take a look, but here’s the idea:

What does “center of gravity” mean? Well, it means the exact place you can stand in Manhattan and be closest to ALL Starbucks. As if every single Starbucks was pulling you equally in its direction, this is the place where u could stand to feel the most Starbucks power…and not just within a few blocks radius, but for the whole Island! Think of it like being at the North Pole for overpriced coffee…The power center / death star if you will allow me to go that far….

It’s four miles to NewMexiKen’s nearest Starbucks.

NewMexiKen recognizes the scenario in today’s Dilbert.

Bill Watterson was one sick puppy.

Great video clip of sobriety test. Laugh-out-loud.

Link via Talk Left (where we learn this is a clip from Comedy Central’s Reno 911).

The Kansas State School Board, known for eliminating evolution from its science curriculum, has now taken action to eliminate Spanish. All Spanish words will be replaced with English in textbooks and on maps beginning next year.

For example, three U.S. state names will change: Montana will become “Mountain,” Nevada will be “Snowy” and Colorado will be called “Colored.” Geographic landmarks will be chaged as well. The Rio Grande will be renamed “Big River” and the Sierra Nevada changed to “Snowy Mountain Range.”

Chips and salsa will be “chips and gravy.”

Even Christmas will be affected. The Board, apparently misunderstanding the Dutch origins of Sinter Klaas, ruled that Santa Claus must now be called “Holy Nicholas.”

Property values dropped 15% overnight in Santa Fe, the capital of New Mexico, with fear that the city would become known as “Holy Faith.” Elsewhere, the Las Vegas chamber of commerce is re-considering its slogan, “What happens in Fertile Lowlands, Stays in Fertile Lowlands.”

It’s A Wonderful Life in 30 seconds with bunnies.

Christmas Story, the movie about the BB-gun, in 30 seconds with bunnies.

… we thought you just wanted it shorter.

Video of botched demolition in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

Wow! This is a 500X500 pixel gif image repeated to fit the screen. Caveat: Loud music.

Via Ann Bartow via Discourse.net

Google Holiday Logos. A collection.

Phobias are irrational, intense fears of specific objects or situations. Many people are terrified of heights, insects or snakes. Some are scared of flying, water or blood. Then there are lesser known phobias such as parthenophobia, fear of virgins, and homiliophobia, fear of sermons. In this contest you will depict lesser known phobias by showing ordinary objects or situations as seen in the mind of the person who is scared of them. The scarier the actually harmless object or situation appears in the image, the better. (i.e. a doorknob shaped like a gun, a man trapped in a household refrigerator, or a woman running away from a bookshelf that’s hurling books at her.)

The rules of this game are thus: Depict an irrational phobia.

Click to see the photoshopped entries at Worth1000.com

Link via Boing Boing

Another in a series of household hints based upon NewMexiKen’s personal experience.

When cutting open the shrink wrap from a large package of plastic bottled water it is best not to slice into the water bottles themselves.

Other hints here, here, here and here.

NewMexiKen doesn’t have any pets and, though I like some dogs, I find this pretty much sums up my feelings about cats.

Thanks to Functional Ambivalent for the link.

The following warning was emailed to NewMexiKen. I pass it along as a public service.

I hate it when people forward so many false warnings, but this one is important! Send this to everyone–repeat, everyone–on your e-mail list!

I know that spring has sprung and now is the time of year when the ticks are looking for some food, our body, to get some blood. Fair warning now to everyone.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around, so you can be checked for tick infestation — DO NOT DO IT!!

It is a SCAM; they only want to see you naked.

I wish I’d gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.

For NewMexiKen’s part, I intend to take this warning simply as an advisory. Depending on the gender and overall appearance of the tick surveyor, I may find it informative to play along with the strip and dance — simply as a means of investigating this scam, of course.