“One joke still does a better job of cheering me up than any major religion.”
Dave Barry
Category: Humor
Tough childhood
“I was so inept (with technical things) they wouldn’t let me play with the garden hose. “Get away from that hose,” my mother would say. “You don’t know nothing about machinery.”
“In the seventh grade we had a Halloween masquerade party at school. The scariest costumes were awarded prizes. The kid who placed first went as me.”
Lewis Grizzard
Ask for the world, accept the close at hand
“What’ll you have Norm?”
“Fame, fortune, fast women.”
“How about a beer?”
“Even better.”
Cheers
Whatchu talkin’ ’bout?
“Gary Coleman is running for Governor of California. Unfortunately in California there is a sign that says, ‘You must be this tall to run for governor.'”
— Conan O’Brien
Did Bob Hope ever say anything funny?
Not according to Christopher Hitchens.