Legislation in the House of Representatives, H. R. 3687, would “amend section 1464 of title 18, United States Code, to provide for the punishment of certain profane broadcasts, and for other purposes.” The bill actually lists words that are “profane.”
George Carlin once had a routine where he said the “seven words you can’t say on television.” [7KB wav file]. Note: This sound file contains seven words some might consider offensive.
Compare and contrast.
Via Sideline Chatter in The Seattle Times:
• NBC’s Jay Leno, on commissioner Bud Selig announcing his latest hardline stance against muscle-building drugs in baseball: “This coming season, sales of steroids will be cut off after the eighth inning.”
• Angels reliever Brendan Donnelly, to the Los Angeles Times, after his first warmup pitch during a spring-training game whizzed past an umpire standing about eight feet to the side of home plate: “It looked like Nuke LaLoosh was making a comeback.”
• CBS’s Craig Kilborn, with a little-known nugget from Oscars night: “Did you know that all the jewelry worn by the actresses was on loan from Kobe Bryant’s wife?”
Sometimes the wrong number can be a fun thing. At least it was for the person who got Chris Rock’s old cell phone number.
uggabugga has a Tom Friedman T-shirt for just $19.99.
Church Sign Generator has a whole page of real church signs — some funny, some clever, some scary.
Via Burnt Orange Report.
“President Bush has just one question for the American voters: Is the rich person you’re working for better off now than they were 4 years ago?”
“John Kerry says he’s considering going to Iraq. But Kerry said he wants to avoid any sense of politics in such a trip. He doesn’t want people to think he’s going for political reasons. No, he’s just going for Spring Break. It’s that time of year … it’s Iraq.”
Source: The Associated Press
with its take on Haiti. [QuickTime file.]
Link via boing boing.
and re-enacted by bunnies. From Angry Alien Productions. [Cartoon video with sound.]
Wonkette has some interesting ideas.
What could make the next eight months interesting?
- Allow Donald Trump to select the vice president via a series of mock-governing contests. (Omarosa’s “White House” experience will finally come in handy!)
- John Kerry must deliver the rest of his speeches wearing funny clown shoes. Bush has to wear a tiara.
- Invade something.
- After each remaining primary, Kerry gets to have sex with an intern. . . selected by television viewers!
- Seriously, who wants to give Dick Cheney a heart attack?
- Was: Presidential debates. Is: Presidential debates. . . on ice!
- Trading Spaces: Wackiness ensues when the Kerrys and the Bushes exchange residences for a weekend. (“I hope they don’t do anything to Blue Room,” mutters Laura.)
- Sharpton v. Bumiller: This time, it’s personal.
From Quizilla.
NewMexiKen was Woodstock but I demand a recount.
You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, “Bout What?”
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You have a bumper sticker that says,
“MY MOTHER’S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH.”
South Knox Bubba has a couple of photos for you to take a look at.
Never knew my dad
Till I saw him on TV
Oh, blessing of COPS
From “The Morning Fix”
Dave Barry’s Blog has reproduced a column he wrote 10 years ago about a sport called Car Bowling. The object of the sport is to drop bowling balls on cars from low-flying aircraft. Money quote:
At this point, many of you women are thinking, “They drop WHAT? On WHAT? From WHAT??” Whereas you men, because of your complex and subtle psychic interplay, are thinking: “When can I do this?”
Barry suggests that Car Bowling could be a benefit in shopping-mall parking enforcement.
Opinions You Should Have is The Onion of blogs. Among recent stories:
White House Budget Contains Gatefold, 12-page “Emperor’s Clothes” Pictorial of Bush
Intern Says Kerry And Matt Drudge Having Affair
White House Concerned Obsession With Lying About National Guard Could Distract Nation From Current Lies
Ex-American Airlines Pilot Hired To Fly Airforce One
Senate Offices Closed Due To Botox Scare
Capture Of Bin Laden In Preproduction; Slated For October Release
“Watching TV last night, I saw an interesting documentary on the ninja. You know, the Japanese soldier? According to legend, the ninjas were warriors who could make themselves invisible whenever there was a war. You know, kind of like Bush in the National Guard.”
“The White House has now released military documents that they say prove — prove George Bush met his requirements while in the National Guard. Hey, big deal. We’ve got documents that prove Al Gore won the election.”
“Bush did have an explanation. He said he did go to Alabama, but when he didn’t find any weapons of mass destruction, he went back to Texas.”
“The White House finally found one guy who says he remembers serving with President Bush on National Guard duty in Alabama. Isn’t that amazing? Now if they can find someone who remembers Bush working on an economic plan!”
–The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Mike Cassidy has an amusing take on the Barbie and Ken break up —
Toy maker Mattel let it leak that Ken’s failure to commit was at the core of the couple’s troubles. He simply would not ask Barbie to marry him, despite subtle hints like Dream Bride Barbie. Why Boot Camp Barbie didn’t propose first we’ll never know.
From The Onion —
Majority Of Americans Thought We Already Had A Moon Base
WASHINGTON, DC—A NASA poll conducted to gauge support for President Bush’s space-exploration initiative revealed that a depressing 57 percent of Americans believe that the U.S. already has a research base on the moon. “We put that international space-station thing up there in the ’60s,” phone-poll respondent Randy Snow said. “It might be on Mars, but I think it’s the moon—wherever they have the golf course that President Kennedy played on. Remember, the Cubans tried to take it over?” NASA officials said they hope someday to make Americans’ perception a reality.
Some (many) are dumb and some are tacky, but FARK.com: Comments Thingee has a wonderful page of make-believe Google pretend holiday art. Here’s a couple, but go take a look.
“Today is Groundhog’s Day. President Bush looked over at his shadow and saw John Kerry.”
–Jay Leno, on The Tonight Show Monday, quoted by Reuters
From The Onion, America’s Finest News Source —
Addressing guests at a $2,000-a-plate fundraiser, George W. Bush pledged Monday that, if re-elected in November, he and running mate Dick Cheney will “restore honor and dignity to the White House.”
“After years of false statements and empty promises, it’s time for big changes in Washington,” Bush said. “We need a president who will finally stand up and fight against the lies and corruption. It’s time to renew the faith the people once had in the White House. If elected, I pledge to usher in a new era of integrity inside the Oval Office.”
Bush told the crowd that, if given the opportunity, he would work to reestablish the goodwill of the American people “from the very first hour of the very first day” of his second term.
“The people have spoken,” Bush said. “They said they want change. They said it’s time to clean up Washington. They’re tired of politics as usual. They’re tired of the pursuit of self-interest that has gripped Washington. They want to see an end to partisan bickering and closed-door decision-making. If I’m elected, I’ll make sure that the American people can once again place their trust in the White House.”
Bush said the soaring national debt and the lengthy war in Iraq have shaken Americans’ faith in the highest levels of government.
Exactly what it says — subversive cross stitch.
