“While editing my new book, The 50 Funniest American Writers: An Anthology of Humor from Mark Twain to The Onion, I made a discovery: ‘If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn’t have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.’ The following are some of the most hilarious quotes by some of America’s funniest writers featured in my book (and they all fit perfectly into 140 characters).”
Category: Humor
A Beary Good Plan
Yesterday, I noticed this item from NewMexiKen from 2009. I sent it to Jill and Byron who camped in Yosemite and Kings Canyon in August.
If You’re Going to Yosemite National Park
… don’t take food, don’t take children, and don’t drive a minivan.
Our observations indicate that bears entering minivans typically did so by popping open a rear side window and it seems that this was easier for minivans compared to other vehicle classes. We note that bears are strong and well equipped (long claws) to open a variety of structurally sound materials (e.g., logs and ant mounds), and we commonly saw car doors bent open, windows on all sides of the vehicle broken, and seats ripped out, all of which appeared effortless for bears.
National Parks Traveler has the details on a USDA report.
These photos were taken by Jill at Kings Canyon. Click for larger versions or a gallery of all three.
In light of all this, last night I heard back from Byron.
Our plan would be to drive Jill’s minvan out there in a few years and leave a bunch of food in it… then take another car to a different campground.
Bluebook value= nice down payment on a new minivan without the hassle of selling it. Plus it isn’t an auto accident, but rather force of nature, so deductible =$100
World’s Funniest Analogies
I practically cried laughing….
Via kottke.
Efficient Markets in Action
Stop the Environment
God’s Blog
This is the web right now
Picking Campaign Music for the G.O.P.
Following on Tom Petty’s rebuff of Michele Bachmann’s attempted hijacking of “American Girl,” Ben Greenman suggests fitting campaign music for the Republican candidates. Some hilarity and some good music videos ensue.
What Are The Odds Michele Bachmann Will Confuse These Other Public Figures?
Letters of Note
H. L. Mencken wrote a letter to artist Charles Green Shaw in December 1927. Letters of Note has images and a transcript. It’s fascinating and amusing and I encourage you to just click on the link and read it all (start with the image and then skip to the transcript if that gets wearisome). If you need encouragement, two excerpts:
10. I believe in marriage, and have whooped it up for years. It is the best solution, not only of the sex question, but also of the living question. I mean for the normal man. My own life has been too irregular for it: I have been to much engrossed in other things. But any plausible gal who really made up her mind to it could probably fetch me, even today. If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself. I’ll regret it bitterly for about a month, and then settle down contentedly.
13. I usually lie to women. They expect it, and it is pleasant to watch them trying to detect it. They seldom succeed. Women have a hard time in this world. Telling them the truth would be too cruel.
14. I am completely devoid of religious feeling. All religions seem ridiculous to me, and in bad taste. I do not believe in the immortality of the soul, nor in the soul. Ecclesiastics seem to me to be simply men who get their livings by false pretenses. Like all rogues, they are occasionally very amusing.
This Is Funny
Intense
Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse
The Centers for Disease Control wants us to be prepared.
Idle thought
If what I’ve read is correct, the rapture is at 6 local time Saturday evening.
Finally an explanation for why Arizona refuses to adopt Daylight Saving Time. Smart move, Arizonans. What are you going to do with the extra hour?
Cartoon best line of the day
The Final Edition
Who’s cuter?
The story keeps evolving
Word on the internets now is that it was actually Dora the Explorer that found bin Laden.
How close was OBL to the Pakistani military academy
According to Jon Stewart: “If the Pakistani Military Academy were Domino’s, they would deliver to bin Laden on foot.”
Best Borowitz lines of the day, so far
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In a startling measurement of public opinion since the successful mission to kill Osama bin Laden, Americans in record numbers are signing a petition to replace Congress with SEAL Team Six, the elite unit that took out the al-Qaeda madman.
The petition echoes the results of a new poll by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, in which the Navy SEALS trounce Congress by a lopsided 97% to 2% margin, with the remaining 1% answering, “Superman.”
Stand-up
Best Fake News Story of the Day
CUPTERINO, CAL. (SatireWire.com)— Apple iPhones secretly track and record their owners’ location, a potentially devastating privacy breach that experts warn could force people to face the fact that they never really go anywhere interesting.
British researchers who uncovered the hidden file say it logs the phone’s whereabouts for the previous 10 months, and includes a date and time stamp with each location. They also created a program allowing users to upload their data and build a map that researchers termed “remarkably detailed” and iPhone owners called “depressingly accurate.”
. . .
I want one
Best laugh line of the day
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Turns out he’s not Kenyan after all.
He’s Somalian! Yes that’s little Barack and his mother in Hawaii. The joke line is from Indecision Forever. The photo is from Obama’s Young Mother Abroad, an article in The New York Times Magazine. |
‘Sex Ed’
Julia Sweeney on frogs and stuff.
N exactly SFW, but LOL funny.