There’s links to more photos of this sad event at The Unofficial Apple Weblog (TUAW).
A commenter noted that it’s illegal to bury an iPod (the battery I guess) and that Apple Stores will give you a discount toward a new one if you bring the deceased one in. I plan to turn mine into a diamond when that fateful day arrives.
This takedown of Matt Dillon at Fametracker is pretty funny. It begins:
You know how behavioral scientists do studies on animals raised in captivity, and how if the first thing a newborn gerbil (or whatever) sees is a ball of twine, it’ll think that twine ball is its mother? We sometimes wish there were a Department of Fame that could bankroll a study of child pop-culture consumers, and how the stars a child watches in her formative years can imprint themselves on the child forever — make her not just feel nostalgic affection for those actors once she’s reached adulthood, but believe in their talent and defend their career missteps in the present day by making arguments that rest heavily on the work she may have watched when she was a kid. And God help that now-adult’s friends if one of those disproportionately beloved actors somehow falls ass-backward into an Oscar nomination. “See? You see?” that now-adult will say. “He is not washed up and flabby!” And the now-adult’s friends are all like, “Thanks a lot, The Academy. She’ll be dining out on this one for years.”
We know there are some of you reading this who are like, “Yeah, it’s just like my friend Betty with John Travolta. She loved him so much from Grease that she owned all the Look Who’s Talking movies, and we were all like, ‘He sucks, Betty, and he’s a Scientologist,’ and then he got nominated for Pulp Fiction and we were like, ‘Shit.’ But what does any of this have to do with Matt Dillon — whose Oscar nomination for Crash may finally get him the respect he deserves and make people take his more challenging work in the current Factotum more seriously?”
Oh, some of you. Don’t you see? Matt Dillon is John Travolta. And you are Betty.
Thanks to Jill for the link.
From McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. Funny stuff. A couple of excerpts:
DISTRICT ATTORNEY OTHMAR: Wah wah-wah wah, wah, wah wah-wah-wah wah?
CHARLIE BROWN: I’m sorry, sir, but I didn’t knowingly lie to the grand jury.
D.A.: Wah-wah-wah-wah?
BROWN: I did not knowingly take steroids, sir. Period. Snoopy gave me something to make me throw harder, but he said it was flaxseed oil and vitamin drops. I was tired of having the ball hit back up the middle and all my clothes torn off.
BROWN: My head’s always been this big. Ask Sally. And I’m not going bald; I’ve never had more than three hairs, sir.
Lady: What’s a buffalo?
Guy #1: It’s a black cow.
Guy #2: No. A cow is female and a buffalo is male.
–27th & Lex
Overheard by: confused desi
Dave Plotz argued we should get rid of August five years ago at Slate. His arguments are still valid. He began:
August is the Mississippi of the calendar. It’s beastly hot and muggy. It has a dismal history. Nothing good ever happens in it. And the United States would be better off without it.
August is when the atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, when Anne Frank was arrested, when the first income tax was collected, when Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe died. Wings and Jefferson Airplane were formed in August. The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour debuted in August. (No August, no Sonny and Cher!)
Mack, oldest of The Sweeties, called to say:
Where do they go to eat at the North Pole?
Brrrr-ger King.
What do ghosts do when they dance?
Shake their Boo!-ties.
Detailed travel info for 11 road trips. Well done.
Besides, any web site that says this is OK with me: “Though it’s less than half the size of Phoenix, Tucson is at least twice as nice a place to visit. With a lively university community, and some of the most beautiful desert landscapes anywhere on earth, and more palpable history than anywhere in the Southwest outside New Mexico, Tucson is well worth taking the time to get to know.”
SI’s Top 20 Venues of the 20th Century
1. Yankee Stadium
2. Augusta National
3. Michie Stadium (West Point)
4. Cameron Indoor Stadium
5. Bislett Stadium (Oslo)
6. Wrigley Field
7. Roland Garros
8. Lambeau Field
9. Fenway Park
10. Saratoga Race Course
11. Pebble Beach
12. Wembley Stadium
13. The Pit
14. Boston Marathon Course
15. Camden Yards
16. Lamade Stadium (Williamsport, PA)
17. Daytona International Speedway
18. Notre Dame Stadium
19. St. Andrews
20. Rose Bowl
Kansas Is Flatter Than a Pancake
“Of course, it would be a different story entirely if we could extract crude oil from stem cells.”
Cartoon in The New Yorker (two Congress-types shown walking on the steps of the Capitol).
Jill, official daughter of NewMexiKen, has decided this would not be a good place for a kid’s birthday party. Read the last sentence.
Girl: Isn’t your dad Swiss?
Guy: No, he’s Swedish.
Girl: Oh, that’s right: people are Swedish, things are Swiss. Well, actually, they’re interchangeable.
–Sprint Store, 8th St & 6th Ave
Girl #1: Where did the first movie take place?
Girl # 2: I thought it was Australia, cause, you know, that was part of the British empire and all.
Girl #1: I think it was some Asian country. Didn’t they talk about Singapore a lot?
Girl #2: Yeah, maybe some place like that.
Girl #1, after a few minutes: Oh, shit, the Caribbean!
—Pirates of the Caribbean II, movie theater, 34th St
Letterman reports. QT or WindowsMedia. [Video]
Via Crooks and Liars.
Stephen Colbert interviews Eleanor Holmes Norton.
“President Bush was recorded using a four letter word at the G8 summit in Russia. At first everyone just thought he mispronounced the word ‘Shiite.’ But that wasn’t it.
“Kind of ironic. Bush is listening in on everyone else’s phone calls and now he’s the one who gets caught saying something he shouldn’t. Little payback there.”
Jay Leno Monday night
Even more ironic, Bush gets overheard using a word that would cost a broadcaster $325,000.
Click image to enlarge and read at Jesus’ General.
My girlfriend broke up with me last week. She did it cruelly. She sent me a letter saying she ran away with a tractor salesman. I was devastated. It was the first time in my life I’ve gotten a John Deere letter.
This lengthy report in The New York Times on what may prove to be a scandal at Auburn reminds me of a story.
The coaches and athletic director were despondent. The big game was approaching and the star player was failing all his classes. If something wasn’t done, and done soon, he wouldn’t be eligible to play. They convinced the dean.
So, the dean approached each of the player’s professors and explained how contributions from alumni depended on how the team did in the big game — and how important this player was to winning. The dean convinced all of the teachers to change the player’s grade.
All but one.
“No,” this professor insisted, “he has to re-take the exam.”
“OK,” said the dean, “if he passes, can he play?”
“Yes,” said the professor.
“Can it be an oral exam?” asked the dean.
“Sure,” said the professor.
“With just one question?”
“Yes,” said the professor, feeling his arm twist.
“Can it be a spelling test?”
“Why not,” said the professor, now just trying to be a team player.
“A one word spelling test?”
“Sure.”
“And if he gets one letter right, he passes, right?”
“OK. OK.”
“And the word will be coffee?”
“Yes, yes, anything.”
They called the player in. Spell coffee they said.
“K-a-u-p-h-y.”
Small Ads from the UK. Some are laugh-out-loud. Please no Coke or milk drinking while taking a look.
[First posted one year ago.]
“Santorum got excited because he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2 to 4 years.”
Crooks and Liars Stupid Santorum Jokes
Another (from the comments):
Q: What would Rick Santorum say if you asked him if his turn signal is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
[First posted here a year ago.]
Girl: He took me to a Japanese restaurant. I got the chicken karaoke.
–78th & Broadway
Overheard by: E HAGEN
20-Something girl: So, is Alabama in Kentucky?
–27th & 1st
Overheard by: interlard
Early-20’s woman: The Himalayas aren’t a real place. They’re like Narnia.
–1st & 1st
Ghetto girl: In British Whose Line Is It Anyway?, do they speak English?
–75th St
All from the world’s greatest website, Overheard in New York. Thank you V, thank you, thank you.
“As you know, we finally found those weapons of mass destruction. The bad news? They’re in North Korea! Boy that Saddam Hussein is sneaky isn’t he? Had them hidden over there.”
“The Japanese prime minister joined the United States in condemning North Korea’s missile policy. The Japanese prime minister was really upset when he found out that they had missiles that could reach Graceland.”
Jay Leno
This article (articles actually) in New York Magazine goes on-and-on, but some of it is actually useful and some of it is funny. It’s subtitled, “New rules for getting along in an endlessly wired, ruthlessly crowded, sexually libertarian city.” Some examples:
Is it ever acceptable to talk to a stranger on an elevator?
If there are six or fewer people on the elevator, no. However, if the group is larger than six, you have achieved an Elevator Humor Quorum and someone must make a remark about the elevator’s lack of size or speed in order to relieve the tension created by standing in a tiny space with six or more strangers. If another member of the group makes the remark first, Elevator Humor Solidarity obligates you to chuckle mildly.
What are the rules for disciplining other kids when their parents are around?
The same rules apply to adjusting other people’s yoga poses when the teacher is around: It’s just not done. The only exception is in matters of safety when the other parent isn’t paying attention (throwing toys, biting). As they always say (and by “they” we mean Oprah), the only person you can truly change is yourself; similarly, the only kids you can change are your own. If the parents are deadbeat do-as-you-willers, all you can do is make sure your own kid takes away the lesson, like, “That little boy is not being nice by doing that, but we know not to rob liquor stores, right?” As a last resort, you can always decide it’s time to go home.