Category: Humor

‘Intelligent’ life, that’s the problem

Scott Adams has a plan for that newly discovered planet.

We don’t know if the planet already has life. I suggest we play God and put some there. 20.5 light years is too long for human travel, but we could place some hearty bacteria and whatnot in a probe and fire it in that direction. If there isn’t already life on Gliese 581 C, the bacteria and whatnot can evolve into zebras and Creationists over time. If there already is life on the planet, our bacteria and whatnot will probably infect them and wipe out their civilization. So we might want to put a Mars license plate on the probe.

Quacks me up

Amusing photo.

And this, amazing photo.

Meanwhile:

An angry Romanian doctor has cut off a patient’s penis during surgery and chopped it into small pieces.

Surgeon Naum Ciomu was operating on patient Nelu Radonescu, 36, to correct a testicular malformation when he suddenly lost his temper.

Grabbing a scalpel, he sliced off the penis in front of shocked nursing staff, and then placed it on the operating table where he chopped it into small pieces before storming out of the operating theatre at Bucharest hospital.

AOL Lifestyle

Couldn’t he have just counted to ten? Great plot for Grey’s Anatomy, though, especially if the victim is one of those asinine male doctors. Karev, Shepherd or O’Malley, any will do.

Some good advice:

1. Styrofoam cups
Styrofoam is forever. It’s not biodegradable.
* I can’t remember the last time I used a styrofoam cup but for all those takeaway coffee drinkers, it’s worth finding an alternative.

2. Paper towels
Paper towels waste forest resources, landfill space, and your money.
* I couldn’t imagine going without paper towels. I do buy the eco friendly variety but I should probably use old clothes or towels to clean up.

3. Bleached coffee filters
Dioxins, chemicals formed during the chlorine bleaching process, contaminate groundwater and air and are linked to cancer in humans and animals.
* I’m not a coffee drinker which looks to be a good thing if this is what is used to make coffee.

Top 10 Products to Avoid | Buy Organic

And:

Want to stay safe on the roads? Then avoid listening to Guns N Roses, Meat Loaf and Bruce Springsteen behind the wheel.

The trio are among the artists featured on a top 10 of tracks that get people’s blood pumping and in the mood to drive aggressively.
. . .

It includes classic rock tracks, such as Meat Loaf’s “Bat Out Of Hell” and Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” as well as tracks such as Motorhead’s “Ace of Spades” and Guns N Roses’ “Paradise City.”

Reuters via Yahoo! News

The 100 unsexiest men 2007

[94] BILL RICHARDSON
Darkhorse

Chubby presidential candidate has repped the USA in negotiations with some of the world’s scariest and weirdest dictators. Which, unfortunately, leaves the triple-chinned hopeful with precious little time for the treadmill. Chances may improve if he stays hungry — or if he accidentally eats the rest of the Democratic field onstage during the first debate.

See the other 99 from The Phoenix.

Directions

This has been floating around the internets for the past week or so, once again proving that some folks at Google have a sense of humor. Via Andrew Tobias:

1. go to google
2. click on “maps”
3. click on “get directions”
4. type “New York” in the first box and “London” in the second box
5. hit enter
6. scroll down to step #23

April Fool

No not today, fool. Sunday. Today is March 30th.

Scott Adams has some good April Fools ideas including this:

“I haven’t seen this prank done, but I think it would work if you have a secretary who is unusually clueless about technology. Tell the secretary that some other department is out of copier paper and ask him/her to fax some blank pages, just enough to hold them until their paper shipment comes in.”

It’s just 275 days until Christmas

NewMexiKen saw Zodiac last night. It was good; somewhat in the way the Law & Order is good, but that’s OK. It left a lasting-enough impression that Jake Gyllenhaal — or the character he played — or someone who looked like him — was in an uncomfortable dream I had early this morning.

Aretha Franklin is 65 today and Elton John is 60. Throw in Anita Bryant, who is 67, and Nick Lowe, who is 58, and March 25th is a pop music birthday bonanza.

Marcia Cross is 45 and Sarah Jessica Parker is 42.

I thought The Wisdom of Children was funny when I read it yesterday. Veronica sent the link a few hours later, so between the two of us it must be good.

16 things it takes most of us 50 years to learn

From Scribd, 16 things it takes most of us 50 years to learn. I’ll give you a few:

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

Link via kottke.