If you have the good sense to read The Edge of the American West, you wouldn’t need me to be posting these videos that ari and eric have found for our enjoyment.
This is classic on so many levels.
Category: Humor
Still funny
First posted here two years ago today.
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Time for some campaignin’
The newest from JibJab. Fun.
Thanks to Jill (and Dwight) for the link.
This Bud’s for who?
“I’ll tell you one thing,” said the 21-year-old concrete worker during his lunch break at The Brick of St. Louis bar, in the shadow of this city’s storied Anheuser-Busch Cos. brewery, “if Budweiser is made by a different country, I don’t drink Budweiser anymore. I’ll go back to Wild Turkey.” (Wild Turkey, a Kentucky bourbon, is owned by French drinks giant Pernod Ricard SA.)
WSJ.com via Paul Krugman.
Losers
The liberal blogosphere was aflame today with new accusations that Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) is trying to win the 2008 presidential election.
Suspicions about Sen. Obama’s true motives have been building over the past few weeks, but not until today have the bloggers called him out for betraying the Democratic Party’s losing tradition.
Awesome
Link via dangerousmeta!
Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children’s Healthcare
Rest in Peace
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy’s defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home!
I give you my revised list of the two commandments:
Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie and Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin’ pocket. I wouldn’t mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
George Carlin, 1937-2008
A different perspective
SAN DIEGO—A man who used several different bent sticks to hit a ball to an area comprised of very short grass surrounding a hole in the ground was praised for his courage Monday after he used a somewhat smaller stick to gently roll the ball into the aforementioned hole in fewer attempts than his competitors.
The Onion – America’s Finest News Source. There’s more.
Thanks to Jill for the pointer.
More Rumors About Obama
Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It’s upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.
There’s only one artist on Barack Obama’s iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.
Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.
There’s more by Christopher Beam.
Economic Stimulus Check
I still haven’t gotten my $600. I feel like Addie Loggins (about 1 minute in).
‘Cept I want my six hundred dollars.
There goes the redneck vote
Via Eschaton.
Oh, by the way, annual cost of earmarks: $17 billion
Annual cost of the war in Iraq: $200 billion
Breaking
The endgame of Hillary Clinton’s bid for the Democratic presidential nomination took an unexpected turn today as her husband, former President Bill Clinton, updated his status on a popular social networking site.
Visitors to Mr. Clinton’s profile page at Facebook noticed that minutes after Mrs. Clinton suspended her campaign, President Clinton updated his status from “Married” to “It’s Complicated.”
Bear necessities
Seattle Times sports columnist and editor Dwight Perry, reading NewMexiKen’s post yesterday about local bear warnings, sent along this helpful guidance from a column published in 2001:
According to an e-mail spoof making the computer rounds, bear activity is on the rise in parts of Montana. It warns hunters and hikers to wear little bells to let bears know they are near and to carry pepper spray just in case.
No macho outdoorsman would heed such advice, but if you insist on following it, you should also know this missive’s other useful bit of information – the importance of knowing the difference between the droppings of black bears and grizzlies. We quote:
“Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur.
“Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.”
Hey Chad
The joke’s on you Chad. It appears Verizon may be in talks to buy Alltel.
Being an arrogant prick in all those commercials may not have been such a good idea after all, eh Chad?
Wally World
At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new, but aged, husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected “knock” on the door.
Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85-year-old groom, ready for action.
They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it is Wally. Again, he is ready for more “action.”
Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it….. Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more “action.” And, once again they enjoy each other.
However, as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.”
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: …….”You mean I was here already?”
[Thanks to NewMexiKen’s friend Jeanne.]
I’m doomed
Three years ago today NewMexiKen reported that I’d learned that stress can cause your brain to shrink.
I found that depressing.
Then I learned that depression can cause your brain to shrink.
I found that stressful.
It’s Larry Craig “Bobblefoot” Day!
Capitalizing on Senator Larry Craig’s restroom bust, a Minnesota minor league baseball team this Sunday is giving away a promotional item celebrating the Republican politician’s arrest last year at the Minneapolis-St.Paul airport. Dubbed a “bobblefoot” (as opposed to a bobblehead doll), the polyresin giveaway depicts an occupied bathroom stall (the inhabitant’s pants and shoes can be seen below the stall’s panels). When the St. Paul Saints’s “bobblefoot” is shaken, one of the spring-loaded feet taps. The keepsake, which will be handed out to the first 2500 fans attending the Saints’s May 25 game against the Fort Worth Cats …
Click on the link for photos of the “booblefoot.”
Here’s Jay
• “And President Bush announced this week that he will go to Saudi Arabia and meet with King Abdullah. That’s got to be nerve-wracking for President Bush, huh? Being called to the carpet by the big boss.”
• “Jenna Bush and her husband, Henry Hager, are honeymooning in Europe right now. … And President Bush is nothing if not consistent. Like, he said, there’s no timetable for bringing them home.”
Jay Leno
Darth Vader Feels Blue
Stick with it until you laugh.
The Empire Strikes Barack
A little long maybe, but some fun moments.
And, there’s the classic, just in case you’ve never seen it — “I Got a Crush…On Obama” by Obama Girl.
White people love their grammars
White people love rules. It explains why so they get upset when people cut in line, why they tip so religiously and why they become lawyers. But without a doubt, the rule system that white people love the most is grammar. It is in their blood not only to use perfect grammar but also to spend significant portions of time pointing out the errors of others.
When asking someone about their biggest annoyances in life, you might expect responses like “hunger,” “being poor,” or “getting shot.” If you ask a white person, the most common response will likely be “people who use ‘their’ when they mean ‘there.’ Maybe comma splices, I’m not sure but it’s definitely one of the two.”
There’s more.
What about the backpack?
“I think if [Miley Cyrus] goes really well, Annie Leibovitz will photograph Dora the Explorer.”
Paula Poundstone on “Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me!”
Thanks to Veronica for the tip.
Best lines
“Did you all see ‘American Idol’ Tuesday night? The story is everywhere on the Internet and the radio that Paula Abdul was drinking before she had that meltdown on ‘American Idol.’ I hope so. Because if she wasn’t drinking, that means she’s just crazy. Usually when you see somebody named Abdul babbling like that, it’s in an al Qaeda video.”
“And some sad news. ‘CSI’ actor Gary Dourdan was arrested in Palm Springs for possession of heroin, cocaine and ecstasy. Heroin, cocaine, and ecstasy. Or as Amy Winehouse calls that, a ‘happy meal.'”
Jay Leno