“Democrats and Republicans are both claiming victory in this week’s series of elections because it’s been so long since either side just said truthful things in a straightforward way that they forgot how.”
Runner-up best lines from the same source:
“Michael Jordan’s kid insisted on wearing Nike Air Jordans when he played in the University of Central Florida’s opening basketball game, and it cost the school a $3 million dollar deal with Adidas. Fortunately, his dad had that much in his wallet.”
“Yankees win! That’s not a headline, just a general statement of fact, like ‘Megan Fox is hot’ or ‘Light beer sucks.'”