A friend sent NewMexiKen this amazing story:
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I’d been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.
I said no … I’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I so want this to be a true story. For the next couple of days I will start laughing to myself every once in a while and my wife will frown and say, “You’re thinking about that joke again, aren’t you?”