Leno

“Well, in a stunning announcement, Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey Jr., who had said he would remain neutral, has endorsed Barack Obama. He said he did it because his four young daughters told him they wanted Barack for president, which also explains his choice for vice president, Hannah Montana.”

“Hey, did you hear about this? The Pentagon ordered a full inventory of our nuclear arsenal to see what’s missing. Wait, now we can’t even find our own weapons of mass destruction.”