• Actually, one really embarrassing moment — you see this on the news? When the Pope blessed the crowd with holy water, well, some of it splashed on Dick Cheney, burned his skin.
• Some news from Iran. The chief of police in Tehran, who is in charge of fighting vice and bad morals, was found naked with six hookers. His name, Ahmed Spitzer.
— Jay Leno
• Well, big news, ladies and gentlemen –- the Pope is in the United States, flew into Washington, D.C. Hillary Clinton declined to meet the Pope at the airport. You know, she was worried about sniper fire.
— David Letterman