Bear down

Eliot was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.”

After considering briefly, Eliot decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Eliot.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Eliot soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.

This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Eliot. That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have ‘rough sex’.”

Again, Eliot thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Eliot and tore him a new one. Although he survived, it took several months before Eliot fully recovered.

Now Eliot was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said, “Admit it Eliot, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”