Teen: Iced cappuccino, please.
Middle-aged tourist: Aren’t you a little young for that much caffeine, sweetie?
Teen: Uhhh, I’m from New York — there was caffeine in my breast milk.
Middle-aged tourist: Oh! You’re from here! Well… Could you give me directions to–
Teen: –Don’t you people have maps for that kind of thing?
–Bread Factory, 785 Lexington
Girl, about smoking preggers passerby: That’s disgusting. How could any woman nowadays still smoke knowing that they’re pregnant?
Mother, taking drag from her own cigarette: Good thing you were adopted.