The ever-awesome Dan Neil reviews the new Honda Accord. He begins:
I was sitting at a red light when they rolled up beside me, the guy riding his Suzuki Do-Me 8000 with his hot female companion on the back, her thongage pouring out of her low-rise jeans. Her blond hair fell from beneath the helmet and fluffed weightlessly in the hot breeze. Her skintight ballistic-armor motorcycle jacket was unzipped down to her navel. It’s a good look, I guess, if you go in for that sort of thing.
As I sat there in the Amana-white 2008 Honda Accord EX-L sedan, she looked over at me. I knew what she was thinking. I knew she wanted me.
And why wouldn’t she? The Honda Accord ska-reams confirmed heterosexual, and not in a Larry Craig way, either. This car ought to be issued with a complimentary pair of relaxed-fit dad jeans. Every male owner should get a free BlackBerry, which is like monogamy’s ankle bracelet. To own this car is to be possessed with an inexplicable urge to trim hedges. While other cars suggest the owner is still working out issues — experimenting, if you will — the Accord sedan says, “Hey, I’m past all that. I’m a smoldering volcano of straight suburban love, and I accept it.”
“[T]he Accord is an institution, like the Federal Reserve or the missionary position.”