NewMexiKen’s high school reunion is next month — they come in 5 year increments when you get to my age. It’s in Tucson and I considered going but have decided against it. I haven’t been to any of the others and I didn’t leave much in high school I’ve ever wanted to re-visit.
But I did think about going and I did think about the whole concept of reunions and how many when they go back so desperately want to impress their high school friends — well actually, they want to impress their high school enemies — in fact, who they really want to impress are those classmates that ignored them altogether. Rent a fancy car, buy an expensive new dress, have “work” done — I’ve heard of people doing all those things to prepare for a reunion.
But it occurred to NewMexiKen that the ultimate coup is to take a hot partner to your reunion to make all those who didn’t know you well, wonder what they might have missed.
So, my question to you is:
Who, alive today, would you want to accompany you to your high school reunion to make everybody wish they’d been your friend? (Better yet, to regret it if they never were your friend.)
I thought of a few myself.
In fact, this all came up when I mentioned I had seen Jody Foster on TV the other day and thought she was impressive and I’d go to my high school reunion if she would go with me. Someone immediately said, “But Jody Foster’s a lesbian.” All the better as a conversation piece I thought.
But really, for the heterogeneous man, I think Angelina Jolie would be the best reunion date. I’m not a particular fan, though I did think she was excellent in A Mighty Heart. It’s just she has a reputation — deserved it seems — as a world-class sexual predator. If you showed up at your reunion with Angelina Jolie, everyone in the place would wonder what you had going for you that was better than Brad Pitt.
(I’d really only want to take a living person with me to my reunion, but it did occur to me that just before she died Princess Diana would have had the desired effect on my classmates. So, Diana might have been a good choice a couple of reunions back.)
Of course, it wouldn’t have to be strictly a “date.” For example:
“My spouse/partner/significant other couldn’t make it tonight, so I’d like you to meet my best buddy Bill Clinton.”
From what I’ve heard, Clinton lights every room he enters and even most of his political enemies enjoy his company and marvel at his personality. But then I thought, taking someone like Bill Clinton to a high school reunion might be dangerous. Clinton would so stand out that at the end of the evening all my old classmates would be saying, “Wow, I never thought Clinton would be there. Who’d he come with again?”
No Clinton would dazzle them and I’d be forgotten. Better yet, the Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama is known everywhere, is considered by millions to be an actual divinity, and is said to have a presence that causes people to sense his holiness. And, of course, the Dalai Lama’s humility would guarantee that I would get the reflected attention that I desired.
I have one other possibility, but before I conclude I want to encourage you to suggest your choice(s) in a comment:
Who would you like to accompany you to your high school reunion so your classmates would say “I never knew he/she was so cool, I should have eaten lunch with them more often/gone out with them/been their best friend”?
My number one choice would be Osama bin Laden. You show up with bin Laden at your high school reunion and you are immediately marked as a person of vast resources and contacts — and power. He’d be the ultimate conversation piece.
And afterwards, before turning him over to the FBI or Larry King or whomever, I’d take him on a very, very personalized tour of New York City Fire Houses.
this past June my class had a 40 yr. like you, i’d not previously been. reason: to embarrassed over cliqueness and other childish behavior.
that reason got reinforced several years ago when a classmate remarked about her comparatively low social rating during those awful years.
talk about a choice to accompany yourself, this person brought her mother-in-law to my mother’s funeral. Her mother-in-law’s family, she’s since passed away, and mine are very close; intertwined through marriage, war internment, and community.
i never thought this person would marry into my extended family and become a caregiver to one of the sweetest, kindest aunties.
you can imagine how i felt when she reminded me of our high school years.
Living well is the best revenge.
The first person that came to my mind is Salma Hayek. What a glorious weekend that would be. I might even try to find time to attend some of the festivities.
As for bringing a buddy I think it would be a hoot to show up with David Letterman.
I’ve got one word for you: Oprah. When it comes to impressing Americans, it begins and ends with the lady from Chicago.
She may not be the hottest date (she’s no Salma Hayek), but you never know when she might suddenly give you a new car or a plasma TV. So, bonus.
It would probably be more fun to go with David Letterman though, I agree. Or maybe Jon Stewart. If there is any place where one would need a little extra snarkiness at your disposal, it would be at a high school reunion. I went to my tenth reunion and the overriding memory I have is of touching up my lipstick in the restroom, only to notice someone eyeing my makeup and immediately feeling chagrined that it wasn’t the “right” kind…a feeling I hadn’t had for ten years before that.
Ah yes… snarkiness. That’s the ticket. One would want plenty of snarkiness at one’s disposal if one were planning on attending a high school reunion.
Jon Stewart is a brilliant choice.
I’d take Ephraim.
Johnny Depp for me. Maybe I could finally sit at the cool kids’ table.
My vote goes to George Clooney. He has the gorgeous wow factor combined with the ability to be snarky, entertaining. insightful and interesting. In addition, I am quite sure that if I spent the evening with Mr. Clooney, I really would care less about what was going on at the reunion. I could enjoy an evening with him sitting on a park bench eating a ham sandwich.
It occurs to me that J.K. Rowling might be fun. Certainly a celebrity — and fabulously wealthy, but also who understands high school better than Rowling?
I haven’t had enough time to give this adequate thought, but one person who comes to mind is Elton John. He would certainly steal the show, and maybe he’d even play for us.