Spare the fruit, spoil the child

Old lady when boy gives up his seat: What a nice boy! Thank you!

Boy #1: Well, my mom raised me well. It was the belt — she only had to use it once, and then I just knew, you know?

Chick: Ohhh, yeah, for me it was a wooden spoon.

Boy #2: Oranges. She used to throw oranges at my face.

–2/3 train

Overheard in New York

Doesn’t anyone use a switch anymore?