“The Attorney General of the United States, Alberto Gonzales testified before the Senate about the domestic spying program. But first there was a big fight about whether or not to place him under oath. Ultimately they decided not to place him under oath. See, baseball players, they have to be under oath. But the attorney general, no.”
— Jay Leno
“The Vatican has hired Michael Jackson to write prayer music. Because when your church has an image problem — you call Michael Jackson! In fact he’s already been named an honorary priest.”
— David Letterman