As noted earlier, Woody Allen is 70 today. NewMexiKen saw Allen doing stand-up once upon a time when we were both a lot younger (about 40 years ago, sigh).
Here’s a few of his insights, some possibly from that very time.
“A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ‘no’.”
“I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.”
“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”
“Some guy hit my fender, and I told him ‘be fruitful, and multiply.’ But not in those words.”
“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”
“If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.”
“More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”