Kansas State School Board eliminates Spanish from curriculum

The Kansas State School Board, known for eliminating evolution from its science curriculum, has now taken action to eliminate Spanish. All Spanish words will be replaced with English in textbooks and on maps beginning next year.

For example, three U.S. state names will change: Montana will become “Mountain,” Nevada will be “Snowy” and Colorado will be called “Colored.” Geographic landmarks will be chaged as well. The Rio Grande will be renamed “Big River” and the Sierra Nevada changed to “Snowy Mountain Range.”

Chips and salsa will be “chips and gravy.”

Even Christmas will be affected. The Board, apparently misunderstanding the Dutch origins of Sinter Klaas, ruled that Santa Claus must now be called “Holy Nicholas.”

Property values dropped 15% overnight in Santa Fe, the capital of New Mexico, with fear that the city would become known as “Holy Faith.” Elsewhere, the Las Vegas chamber of commerce is re-considering its slogan, “What happens in Fertile Lowlands, Stays in Fertile Lowlands.”