… but I like his writers.
- I had a really strange thing happen to me last night. About 10:30 I’m sitting around watching TV, my doorbell rings, I open the door, it’s the head guy from FEMA. At my door! I said “What are you doing here?” He said, “I’m here for the earthquake damage you had back in ’94.”
- As you know FEMA stands for “fix everything, my ass!”
- U.S. Border Patrol agents allowed a man called the human cannonball to shoot himself across the border from Mexico to the United States. The Border Patrol gave him special permission to do this because as you know they don’t let just anyone cross the border.
- Hawaii has the highest gas prices in the country: $4 a gallon! That’s why I don’t go there to fill up.
- For many students across the country, today was the first day of school…This was a big day for a lot of teachers – some of them haven’t had any sex since June.
- “The New York Post” says that Paris Hilton is so famous now, she can’t go out in public anymore. Good!