• Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
• You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.
• Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think — in a deeper voice.
• I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: If it is true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgment, I don’t want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.
• Is the glass half full, or half empty?
It depends on whether you’re pouring or drinking.
• Old is always fifteen years from now.
• Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.
Bill Cosby, who turns 68 today.