The Onion Guide to Preparing a Living Will

Key points:

• It’s important to have a lawyer present when you draft a living will, as it makes the desire to be dead that much more tangible.
• Specify which flavor of feeding-tube nutrient you prefer. Otherwise, you may get stuck with cream of mushroom day in and day out.
• Leave at least one reasonably flattering photo for the press. This point cannot be emphasized enough.
• Research medical life-support technology and specify whether you’d prefer to be hooked up to a Danninger Continuous Passive Motion device, an Emerson suction unit, or a Slushee machine.
• Comatose people have been shown to exhibit a brainstem-level response to music, so prepare a decade’s worth of mix tapes in advance.

There’s more at The Onion