Charles P. Pierce writing at American Prospect Online:
There are mice in my attic. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the mice seem to be a lot smarter than I am, and self-sacrificing, too. I have laid traps up there like I was Jacques Marquette around the Great Lakes, for pity’s sake, and I only ever catch one of them. One of them always gives himself up, and then the rest of them go back to kicking the stupid human’s ass for another month.
I can hear them, late at night, toasting their fallen comrades. I think they’re building a monument to them out of some old bowling shirts I’ve got lying around up there. At this very moment, there’s probably a famous anchormouse scribbling away at a lengthy tome, explaining how these mice are the greatest mice who ever lived.
I admire these mice for a number of their fine qualities, but I want them gone and, frankly, I’m obviously not up to the task. I need an expert. Somebody who’s got some experience ridding people of pests.
I need Tom DeLay.
You see, I like our new full-service congressional majority. Going to the halls of Congress is like going to Wal-Mart these days. Steroids making you feel bad about baseball? Sporting Goods in Aisle 7. Tough medical decisions bothering you? Try Housewares. Other people’s business? Throughout the store.
Continue the column at American Prospect Online.