better known as W.C. Fields, was born in Philadelphia on this date in 1880 or 1889.
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake–which I also keep handy.
I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
(When “caught” reading a Bible) “Just looking for loopholes.”
Fields died on Christmas Day, 1946.