Laughing because I’m too old to cry

“President Bush got an early Christmas gift. This week, President Bush was chosen as ‘Person of the Year’ by Time magazine. Not only that, Martha Stewart was chosen as person of the year by Doing Time magazine.”
— Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, I received a Christmas card from Donald Rumsfeld in the mail. Would have been nice if he had actually signed it.”
— David Letterman