Kevin Doughten in The New York Times:
I had always hoped you’d never have to hear this, but the newspapers have it now, so it’s only a matter of time. I prefer that you get the story from me, so here goes: for the past three Christmas shopping seasons, I have been taking performance-enhancing drugs to give myself a competitive advantage at the mall.
I’d like to apologize first to those my actions hurt the most: my family, my friends, and the management and staff of the stores at the Garden State Plaza Mall in Paramus, N.J. But I also want to apologize to my fellow shoppers. You deserve a level playing field out there in the aisles, but when I can easily rip the last U2 iPod Special Edition from your hands and then toss you aside like used gift wrap – well, no one would call that a fair contest. To those that I have body-checked or pancaked on my way to a display rack of progressive-scan DVD players, I am truly sorry.