“In an interview in USA Today, Teresa Heinz Kerry said she didn’t think Laura Bush, who was a public school librarian for nine years, had ever held a ‘real job.’ Let me tell you something, if you’re a librarian married to George W. Bush, there is no harder job on earth.”
—Jay Leno
“But down in Florida in the early voting, there were computer glitches, confusing ballots, long lines and chaos. And when President Bush heard about this, he said, ‘Mission accomplished!'”
—David Letterman
“A man was arrested in Ohio after being paid in crack to register voters. They were paying people in crack to register voters. You know it’s scary enough that the election is going to be decided by the undecided. But to be decided by undecided crack heads. That’s really bad.”
—Jay Leno
Elsewhere, Teresa Heinz Kerry apologized today for saying that Laura Bush never held a real job, noting that for the past twenty-seven years Mrs. Bush has worked with the mentally impaired.
Borowitz Report