These three posts were published here seven years ago today. I re-post them because my headlines are so good.
Judge Hardy wouldn’t approve either
From USATODAY.com —
A year after Janet Jackson’s breast brought a crackdown on indecency, Fox has rejected an ad for the Super Bowl offering a rare view of another celeb: Mickey Rooney’s backside.
In the spot for Airborne, a natural cold remedy, the 84-year-old star of such 1940s staples as National Velvet and the Andy Hardy films is in a sauna when someone behind him coughs. He overreacts, jumps up, screams and heads for the door. In his rush, his towel drops, baring his buns for about two seconds.
Paper or Plastic?
From the Des Moines Register —
A 65-year-old Wal-Mart greeter has been fired for greeting customers with a computer-generated photograph of himself wearing nothing but a Wal-Mart sack.
Dean Wooten was fired in September from his job as a greeter at the Muscatine Wal-Mart store where he had worked for seven years, state records show. He was accused of greeting customers with a picture of himself in which he appeared to be naked except for the carefully placed sack.
Wooten allegedly told customers that Wal-Mart was cutting back on expenses and that the sack represented the new employee uniform.
Well, they might want to rename the school
From The Indianapolis Star —
IPS police and Marion County child protection workers are investigating an incident involving two first-graders who officials said were caught trying to have sex Wednesday at an Eastside school.
District officials worried that the incident may have signaled that at least one of the 6-year-olds had been abused before. A child psychologist acknowledged that possibility but said the behavior simply could have been an attempt to copy something seen on a video or cable TV.
“One of them may be a victim,” said Indianapolis Public Schools Superintendent Duncan Pat Pritchett. “We’re waiting for the conclusion of the two investigations. At that age, that’s learned behavior.”
The names of the two children have not been made public. But the girl and boy, who were released to their parents, received five-day suspensions and could be booted from classes at School 69 for the rest of the year.
“It’s extremely troubling because of their young ages. I have never in my life experienced anything like this,” said School 69 Principal Gary W. Davis, a 22-year educator.
Fun to see, but “cute,” I don’t think so.
“Great sex might lead to memory loss, in case you were wondering why somebody didn’t call like they said they would.”
“@EllenBarkin: I would love the news to talk about my ‘fucking’ Twitter debut,but I’m from NYC, never said ‘fucking’ in my life,the word is ‘fuckin’”
… because I spit my coffee all over the computer screen and can’t see to cut and paste excerpts.
There ain’t no hoochy-koochy in Texas among teenagers. We have the least sparkin’ teenagers in the whole damn United States of America. That’s why our Attorney General, Greg Abbott, once again refused to file for a federal grant to fund sex education for teenagers. We don’t need it. Our teenagers are all virgins.
Which is prettty damn amazing considering that we have the highest teenager birth rate in the country. Obviously, they’re getting pregnant from public toilet seats. We don’t have a sex problem. We have a public toilet seat problem.
The Super DeLux Brand Steeple People believe that if you educate teenagers about sex, they’ll have some. However, if you don’t tell them about sex, they’ll never, ever figure out how that telephone pole got into the ground.
Teen pregnancies are costing Texas taxpayers one billion dollars a year. You’d think that the rightwing would hate the money part more than they hate the sex part.
Juanita thinks they don’t want sex education because then they’ll find out that they’ve been doing it wrong.
Bookmark Juanita Jean’s, she is the funniest.
“Tennessee State Rep. Curry Todd (R, of freekin’ course) was pulled over around 11:15 p.m. Tuesday night, driving double drunk.
“But that’s not all.
“There was a loaded .38 in the front seat with him. The upside is that there was no male prostitute in the front seat. The downside is — … ”
Click, if only to see the mug shot of the Honorable Representative Todd, but also to learn his legislative high mark.
“Police said they arrested a Carlisle man after security officers at a Walmart store saw him stealing raw meat.
“Borough police said 53-year-old Scott Shover opened packages of hamburger and stew beef and then ate some of the meat Monday afternoon before putting the packages back on the shelf for sale.”
What I want to know, is how did he chew it? Click to see the photo.
From today’s front page of The Albuquerque Journal.
SAN ANTONIO — A 6-year-old boy in the Blanco Independent School District has been placed into in-school suspension during the first week of school.
He is accused of violating the school dress code by sporting a diamond earring and wearing his hair too long.
Kandi Shand said Gareth is growing his hair long so he can donate it to Locks of Love in a few months.
As for the earring, she said he has worn it for five years with no problems.
She pointed to a similar incident in El Paso, where the mother of a kindergarten student is also fighting the district to allow her son to wear his diamond earring.
The district’s parent-student handbook says boys cannot wear earrings. It also requires they have their hair neat, clean and well-groomed.