Pretty good joke

The muse has left NewMexiKen almost entirely so I had to search around to find something — anything — to liven this place up. How’s this?

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

“It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf is a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned man and says to him, “Tell me how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?” “Ten years,” replies the Irishman.

With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Faith and begorah! Is that good!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a sip of good Irish Whiskey?” she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, “Ten years.”

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, “‘Tis absolutely fantastic!”

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”

With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, “Oh, Sweet Jesus! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there too.”

Ample Sanity

Q: How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished.
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along.
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

Via Ample Sanity, who got it from Sky Pape.

Curious Guy: Malcolm Gladwell

There’s lots of great stuff in the exchange between Malcolm Gladwell and Bill Simmons, but it’s hard to top Gladwell’s take down of Las Vegas:

Simmons: Second question: Can you explain in one paragraph why you’re against Vegas?

Gladwell: Where to start? You get there. You can’t get a cab. Last time I waited 30 minutes in line at the airport. You get to your hotel, you wait another 45 minutes to check in. Its 120 degrees outside, and inside its 45 degrees and all you can think about is there’s about to be a epidemic of Legionnaires Disease. The food is terrible. Everyone loses money — everyone. The amount of plastic surgery is terrifying. There are large packs of enormous, glassy-eyed people in stretch pants, pulling the levers on slot machines. (By the way, greatest and most under-appreciated gambling story ever: William Bennett, he of one bestseller after another lecturing Americans on moral values and virtue and the bankruptcy of our culture, turns out not only to be a degenerate gambler, but a gambler who only played the slots. The slots! Had he been a great poker player — even a decent poker player — I’m in his corner. But the slots?) I digress. Back to Vegas: Why would I want to see Celine Dion, ever (and I’m Canadian)? Or white mutant tigers? Or the Village People? Or Tony Orlando and Dawn? I have more fun walking to the laundromat from my apartment in New York than I do in Vegas.

The entire exchange, beginning yesterday, is terrific. Just so you know, it is mostly a discussion of sports and sports management.

Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park (Colorado)

… authorized as a national monument on this date in 1933. It became a national park in 1999.

The Black Canyon of the Gunnison’s unique and spectacular landscape was formed slowly by the action of water and rock scouring down through hard Proterozoic crystalline rock. No other canyon in North America combines the narrow opening, sheer walls, and startling depths offered by the Black Canyon of the Gunnison.

Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park

Manzanar National Historic Site (California)

… was authorized on this date in 1992.

Manzanar War Relocation Center was one of ten camps at which Japanese American citizens and resident Japanese aliens were interned during World War II. Located at the foot of the imposing Sierra Nevada in eastern California’s Owens Valley, Manzanar has been identified as the best preserved of these camps.

Manzanar National Historic Site