“Colorado, the least fat state in 2011, would be the heaviest had they reported their current rate of obesity 20 years ago. That’s how much we’ve slipped.”
From Timothy Egan in a column, Learning About Food Consumption from the French.
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I think we need to rank obesity levels at specific shopping malls. For instance, in Louisville where I live, there are four or five major shopping malls — depending on your definition of “mall.” You could ranks them based on, say, the size of the sweat pants worn by a more-or-less typical customer. Then those rankings could be fed into some kind of national list, and we could know where the fattest people in America — and thus the world — do their shopping.
Here’s another idea: install a scale that people could walk over without knowing it, and find out just how fat the average mall-goer is. I’m guessing: really really fat. Also, there should be extra points given for the percentage of teenagers who wear those ridiculous wide-leg skateboard pants, and for women who dress more than 20 years younger than they should.
Also, I want a muffin top quantification, accompanied by the possibility of incarceration if so much flesh is squeezed out of too-tight pants that it succumbs to the force of gravity.
Seriously: I need to get out less often.