Late Show Top Ten from March 16, 2004 —
Top Ten Signs Your Supreme Court Justice Is On The Take
10. Begins every case with, “We’ll start the bribing at ten thousand.”
9. His written opinions always have several mentions of the thirst-quenching taste of Mountain Dew.
8. Regularly convenes court at the dog track.
7. Asks, “Does either attorney plan on inviting me on any hunting trips?”
6. For a Supreme Court Justice he certainly is mentioned on “The Sopranos” a lot.
5. All the bling bling.
4. His last article in the “Law Journal” was about finding the right fence for your stolen goods.
3. When you have a meeting with him in chambers, frisks you for a wire.
2. He’s on the Forbes 500 List between Bill Gates and Oprah.
1. Already declared Bush the winner of the November election.