No lie: Bonds needs a plan

Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle on Bonds and steroids.

It’s going to be such an exciting baseball season! The wild home-run race will captivate fans. Imagine steaming into September, Bonds and Sosa neck- and-neck, with six apiece.

No, Barry Bonds won’t be the only guy under the microscope, but it’s going to be a rough season for him. Fortunately, I can help.

All Bonds has to do is avoid visiting hotbeds of anti-steroid sentiment. My research staff has identified the two places in America where performance- enhancing drugs are truly frowned upon.

One, the Oval Office, unless Halliburton gets into the steroid business.

Two, whatever ballpark the Giants are visiting.

Everywhere else, ‘roids are cool.

Money quote: “All of this assumes Bonds cares what the general public thinks of him. This guy marches not only to a different drummer, but to a different band in a different parade.”