Dave Barry reports from Iowa

There I found a clot of seasoned political journalists, who briefed me on the Democratic race. The big news was that John Edwards, who had been stagnant, was surging, while at the same time John Kerry — who had faltered early in the race, then surged, then re-faltered — was now surging AGAIN.

This bodes badly for Howard Dean, who used to be the Lone Surger out here, as well as traditional Iowa-caucus winner Dick Gephardt, who has, frankly, been unable to surge. He is surge-impaired, and he badly needs surgification in Iowa if he is to survive New Hampshire, where, word has it, Wesley Clark, who had been faltering, is now surging like a madman. He’s the Surgin’ General.

You may think I’m making this stuff up, but it’s a fairly accurate portrayal of how political journalists talk after weeks of being forced to write thousands upon thousands of words based on virtually zero hard information.