The n Commandments

The Ten Commandments are found twice in the Old Testament: Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5.

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia the Commandments were, “Written by the finger of God on two tables of stone, this Divine code was received from the Almighty by Moses amid the thunders of Mount Sinai, and by him made the ground-work of the Mosaic Law.”

There is some difference regarding the numbering — neither source in the Old Testament numbers the Commandments.

The Catholic version resulted from Saint Augustine’s interpretation of the Hebrew text in the fifth century. Augustine combined the two Commandments concerning false worship and false gods into a single precept. This made taking the Lord’s name in vain second and so on ending, however, one short. To keep the Decalogue whole, the stricture against coveting was divided into not coveting flesh and not coveting goods.

Protestant faiths usually keep the first two Commandments separate and combine the last.

In other words, there could just as easily have been nine commandments or eleven.

The text is from Deuteronomy 5. The numbering is mine, based on the punctuation in this translation. Sorry Augustine.

I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

  1. Thou shalt have none other gods before me.
  2. Thou shalt not make thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the waters beneath the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me, And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.
  3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain: for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
  4. Keep the sabbath day to sanctify it, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee. Six days thou shalt labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass, nor any of thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates; that thy manservant and thy maidservant may rest as well as thou.
    And remember that thou wast a servant in the land of Egypt, and that the LORD thy God brought thee out thence through a mighty hand and by a stretched out arm: therefore the LORD thy God commanded thee to keep the sabbath day.
  5. Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
  6. Thou shalt not kill.
  7. Neither shalt thou commit adultery.
  8. Neither shalt thou steal.
  9. Neither shalt thou bear false witness against thy neighbour.
  10. Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour’s wife, neither shalt thou covet thy neighbour’s house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or any thing that is thy neighbour’s.

Bill Maher noted on Real Time that only two of the Commandments would seem to apply in the court house: Thou shalt not kill and thou shalt not steal. He missed not bearing false witness.

George Carlin has gotten ten down to two.

I give you my revised list of the two commandments:
Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie and Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.

Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin’ pocket. I wouldn’t mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.